Question:
whewwwwww got a call this morning from a good friend (bass player in my band) would you please go check on beanie (lead player )he hasnt showed up for work hasnt called in and his xgirlfriend called and said she took a bottle of pills and a gun away from him yesterday he had took a hand full of pills a few days ago . so i haul butt over there and start banging on the door . no answer start kicking and he staggers to the door .grrrrrrr i was so afraid he was gonna be dead . what ya do with that mess. poor guy had no upbringing he watched his mother and father have a shoot out in his house and his mother killed his dad in front of him. his mom was crazy and didnt teach him anything about life . what ya do with a person like that ? do ya give someone a week and worry or what . if ya do a intervention on him its gonna cost him more money then he can pay . shshsh wanna help him not hurt him. shshshs and damnnnnn what about this time of year brings out this wanna kill myself crap in people ? he has no family left . just his boss a x girlfriend and me . and we dont socialize just been gigging together for 15 yrs or so.
That is very sad! I did read people get very depressed around the holidays...Perhaps encourge him to talk to his doc about antiderpessants...
i think thats what he ate a handfull of . he must have already did that .
shaking my head.
i was told he is drinking heavy and DRINKING AND DRIVING grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
and now taking handfulls of pills . sound like out of control to me. theres no excuse to drink and drive . if he wants to kill himself thats one thing but to take a family out is somthing else. and he dont want that he has a good heart. poor guy goes around and feeds stray cats with his tiny paycheck . and brings them home he must have 30 damn cats
jrs, you sure have some interesting friends. Did you talk to him, I mean seriously? Sometimes a good friend is better than a doc.
Granny
well first i fussed at him then i listened . now its up to him . me and his xgirlfriend and his boss talked today and his boss is gonna watch him and if he contiues to mess up . we gonna all get together and do somthing . i did tell him my door was always open .
he is really a good person . just messed up. sad part about it he has never been a druggie he drank some but didnt do this kinda stuff.
he had such a hard childhood shhs and dont have clue about women or how to treat them. he was tought absolutly nothing growing up. all he told me was he cant keep anyone he loves around. duhhhh time to make a change in himself . if he has enough love to feed cats and nutrarats he can learn how to treat a woman . shshs he takes dry food and goes up to the edge of the river and the nutra come feed out his hands . lol
hi jrs
i hope you can help him. that is sad with his mom and dad
Good for you Joey! Let us know if there's anything we can do. I'll keep your friend in my thoughts and prayers.
Mike
Hey Joey...would you believe I'm stumped? (well Mike didn't post any links!!!)
one thing I do know....."it sometimes takes a good little girl to straighten out a bad little boy!" but in this case a motherly type would do...someone who likes to nest.......and show him what a home is....
did you ever get the slippery elm?
got the bark for tea coudnt find the powder yet
he had one like that and thats just what he needed buttttttttt he didnt know how to treat her nice .
i just talked to his boss again and he is gonna be all over him non stop . he is his closest friend and boss if anyone can help him he can . he is like working with a little child .shshsh
Joey,
Your friend is so lucky to have a friend like you and his boss to care and to try to help him. Unfortunately, he has to want to help himself first. :( Sounds like the best thing you can do is to be there for him, and keep letting him know that you are there for him. Don't let him push you away. He needs people to care more than he can admit.
The holidays can be so difficult for those that feel they don't don't have someone special to care for and and care about them. Maybe you can make a special effort to take him somewhere or do something with him to help make him feel useful and needed. Sounds like his love for animals might be a good starting point. Help him gather items that are needed at a local animal shelter or humane society (old towels, blankets, food and litter if he can afford it).
Since you share an interest in music, and play in a band together, maybe there is somewhere that your band can do a gig to help others celebrate the holidays that doesn't involve alcohol, such as a retirement home, children's hospital, shelter, or something similar, depending on the type of music you play (possibly even a rehab center?) Show him that he is a valuable member of society, and has something to contribute. If you have some holiday plans that you can involve him in, that might help as well.
I wish you both the best of luck, and hope your friend finds hope in this season. :)
This time of year is notorious for exaccerbating depression.that is why the behavioral medicine---Psych---- units are full this time of year. He needs an intervention and if possible he may need a voluntary or involuntary psych eval. From you description he is definately and danger to himself and possibly a danger to others. It is hard to be a friend to someone who is in a depression but please keep trying. ..........Trace
thanks so much for all yalls advise makes sence to me.
volunteering your time and or talents this time of year does somthing to you that nothing else can give you. rehab center what a wonderfull idea.
and as far as volunteer work we both do quite a bit here playing for organizations and benifits in fact ive been trying to find someone to come with me once a week to a local retirment home to sing while i play . my playing is fine but unfotuntatly if i was singing for poopoo i couldnt event get a smell. i sound like edith bunker lol well thats what my mom said lol but she didnt use that word tho lol
well as for as beanie he is walking a fine line right now lol i spoke to his boss and he is on him like a duck on a junebug.
its you women out there drivin us men nuts lol
Excuse me, :) jrs, it's you guys that make us do it!!!!!! :p ;)
It's good of you to help that guy. Hope it turns out OK.
Granny
jrs,,,I wish my 21 yr old niece could talk to him,,,,this child was 15 when she saw her mom stabbed by her dad,,,plus tryed to help and had her hand cut,,,has this scar on her hand to remind her of the way her mom died,,,,this was my sisters only daughter,,,that died,,,and you know who helped us get through this,,,this child,,,she hardly ever cryed (in front of anyone) never took a drug (and many dr's advised it) never had a drink (this was the whole problem,to begin with) we went every week to bereavement get togethers,,,,,and you know who was the source of helping the other children get through losing parents from (cancer) although her situation was so much more trumatic,,,she helped them dealing with a loss of a parent,,,she went through some very,very hard times and never missed school,,,,never wanted anyone to feel sorry for her,,,, we just stopped and said to ourselves,,,well if this kid can get through such and ordeal,,,so can we!!!!!! many times she calls me and her thoughts now are,,,, wondering whether or not she wants to visit her,,, dad in prison,,, I'm her source of strength,,,she tells me that,,,,I showed her you can cry and still be a strong person,,,, I also told her drugs covers pain and sadness,,for the time being,,,,sooner or later you must cope with what happened,,,,she said to me that's why helping others helps me get through this,,,,she attends college,,,works 2 jobs,,,and never asks any of us for a dime,,,her dream is to be a gym teacher,,,,,If I were to tell right now about this young man,,,,her first words would be,,,,PLEASE LET ME TALK TO HIM,,,I CAN HELP HIM!!!!!!! jrs. the only thing you can do for him,,,is be there when you can,,,, this is a sad,sad story,,,and only someone who has gone through the same thing can truly understand what it feels like,,,,,,all we can do is only imagine what it's like,,,,,, Holidays are sad times,,,and she just called me last night for addresses,,,well of course I know how sad she feels inside but we sure had some laughs,,,,talking about her mom,,,,memories of her childhood Christmas's,,,how her mom would buy half of the store,,,work 3 jobs,,,just to make her Xmas a happy one,,,,,,,isn't that amazing,,,what a mom she was and had to die. I truly feel bad for this man!!!!!
bless her heart, seems like some people are giving so much more misery then any one person can handle and some handle so much more then others ever could. she sounds like a awsome lady. im a beliver in the idea there are old souls and young souls and they young one has so many lessons still to learn that being my friend and your neice being a old soul is just so far past all that . if that makes any sence . well thats the only way i can make sence out of stuff like that anyways. you have to just admire someone with a inner strenght like that and look to them as inspiration.
Thank You,jrs,,,,,,but it really makes you wonder,what she is thinking and what her heart feels like ,,,right???? I hope your friend will get through this,,,as I said no one knows unless you experience this tragedy,,,
Wow! Reading about your friend has bought up a lot of feelings that I havent thought about in a while- My friend Susan killed herself about 10 yrs ago-She had a hard life growing up- her father was killed in a job accident when she was in high school anfd her older sister was killed in a car accident - he mom jwas so depressed that she didnt realize wht this was doing to het daughter until it was too late-Susan stopped eating- she just drank alcohol-
A group of friend tried to tell her she was loved and she should get help- she refused - we finally got her mom to have her hospitalized for depression & her eating disorder--it just got worse- her body just shut down- her heart stopped. It was so sad to see her just fade away and nobody could get through to her--she felt unloved - and no matter how many times we let her know that we loved her and wanted her in our lives-she didnt hear us. I have though so many times "what else could we have done to save her" I just dont have an answer- I never will.
I think all you can do- is show your friend love and include him in your life-nobody want to be alone especially on the holiday-its so sad to be alone.
You can contact youtr local hospital and get info on a support group for him- you can attend with him if he wants- He needs a fresh perspective sometimes a starnger can get through were friends & family can't. Let a professional handle this and with your support he should get through this hard time in his life.
All the best- My prayers are with you and your friend.
Tara,,,I'm sorry about your friend also,,,so sad,,,,but as you said you were there for her and did the best you cann,,,that's all that matters,,,always remember that,,,,,we always say,,, what if we did this,,,, what if we that,,,we learned we can't blames ourselves,,,,,,
Suicide is really hard on the ones left behind. My mother-in-law shot herself. This was in 1973 and we still wonder what we could have done. It has affected the whole family and we still see the sadness in them at times.
jrs, I hope your friend makes it through and gets some help.
Granny
granny,,,,,that is so sad also,,,,
I was at the bank this afternoon, when I heard "Hi Mike. Do you remember me?" from a woman on line. (I hate when that happens!) I turned around to see a classmate and former neighbor. (She lived around the corner from me when we were growing up. We went to through school together and her grandfather was my barber for many years.) We spent a few minutes reminiscing. I don't remember the last time that I talked to her. (And that includes going all the way back to high school. Our 30th reunion is coming up. There was over 700 kids in our class. She's a nice person but we had very little in common.) Her parents live in my parents neighborhood and every once in a while, I would see them talking to my mother in front of her house. I haven't lived at home for over 20 years so I can't remember the last time that I saw either one of her parents. Anyway, we asked how each other's family was doing. I was shocked when she told me that her father had committed suicide about five years ago. ( I don't remember seeing an obituary, but then I don't read them every day. It's also possible that there wasn't any.) I didn't know him very well, but he's the last person I would have suspected of doing something like that. (His father was my barber and he was always in and out of the shop. I always thought that he had a happy go lucky personality.) She explained that he was depressed and they didn't realize it until she found him. That must have been awful.
Joey, I've been thinking about your friend since I ran into my classmate and former neighbor. I hope and pray that he's gonna be o.k.
Mike
thanks mike whewwwwww i know we been watching him like a hawk
it was so scary going there cause this is how it went for me. i had a friend and neigbor that was a bit slow and slow people bring out the best or worst in people . so many people teased and took advantage of his good nature it was sickining . well he got depressed and went out back and took a shotgun and a bucket and he bent over and blew his brains in the bucket so he woundnt make a mess. and not long after the neighbor behind me sat in his living room after supper called his wife in the room when she walked in the door he had a pistol to his head and shot himself . a year later on the date of his death his little brother shot himself. then another friend gets a hotel room puts newspaper on the floor and shoots himself .had another friend that ate poison that was the worst it was horrable . and on top of all that my sister gets depressed and slits her wrists. so going to see if beanie was alive was a hard thing for me to do. im sure he was crying out for love and hes getting it . trouble is you never know what is going on in someones mind and sometimes it to late when ya do. so if you just think someone is in that mind set you have to do somthing .
Answers:
That is very sad! I did read people get very depressed around the holidays...Perhaps encourge him to talk to his doc about antiderpessants...
Answers:
i think thats what he ate a handfull of . he must have already did that .
shaking my head.
i was told he is drinking heavy and DRINKING AND DRIVING grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
and now taking handfulls of pills . sound like out of control to me. theres no excuse to drink and drive . if he wants to kill himself thats one thing but to take a family out is somthing else. and he dont want that he has a good heart. poor guy goes around and feeds stray cats with his tiny paycheck . and brings them home he must have 30 damn cats
Answers:
jrs, you sure have some interesting friends. Did you talk to him, I mean seriously? Sometimes a good friend is better than a doc.
Granny
Answers:
well first i fussed at him then i listened . now its up to him . me and his xgirlfriend and his boss talked today and his boss is gonna watch him and if he contiues to mess up . we gonna all get together and do somthing . i did tell him my door was always open .
he is really a good person . just messed up. sad part about it he has never been a druggie he drank some but didnt do this kinda stuff.
he had such a hard childhood shhs and dont have clue about women or how to treat them. he was tought absolutly nothing growing up. all he told me was he cant keep anyone he loves around. duhhhh time to make a change in himself . if he has enough love to feed cats and nutrarats he can learn how to treat a woman . shshs he takes dry food and goes up to the edge of the river and the nutra come feed out his hands . lol
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hi jrs
i hope you can help him. that is sad with his mom and dad
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Good for you Joey! Let us know if there's anything we can do. I'll keep your friend in my thoughts and prayers.
Mike
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Hey Joey...would you believe I'm stumped? (well Mike didn't post any links!!!)
one thing I do know....."it sometimes takes a good little girl to straighten out a bad little boy!" but in this case a motherly type would do...someone who likes to nest.......and show him what a home is....
did you ever get the slippery elm?
Answers:
got the bark for tea coudnt find the powder yet
he had one like that and thats just what he needed buttttttttt he didnt know how to treat her nice .
i just talked to his boss again and he is gonna be all over him non stop . he is his closest friend and boss if anyone can help him he can . he is like working with a little child .shshsh
Answers:
Joey,
Your friend is so lucky to have a friend like you and his boss to care and to try to help him. Unfortunately, he has to want to help himself first. :( Sounds like the best thing you can do is to be there for him, and keep letting him know that you are there for him. Don't let him push you away. He needs people to care more than he can admit.
The holidays can be so difficult for those that feel they don't don't have someone special to care for and and care about them. Maybe you can make a special effort to take him somewhere or do something with him to help make him feel useful and needed. Sounds like his love for animals might be a good starting point. Help him gather items that are needed at a local animal shelter or humane society (old towels, blankets, food and litter if he can afford it).
Since you share an interest in music, and play in a band together, maybe there is somewhere that your band can do a gig to help others celebrate the holidays that doesn't involve alcohol, such as a retirement home, children's hospital, shelter, or something similar, depending on the type of music you play (possibly even a rehab center?) Show him that he is a valuable member of society, and has something to contribute. If you have some holiday plans that you can involve him in, that might help as well.
I wish you both the best of luck, and hope your friend finds hope in this season. :)
Answers:
This time of year is notorious for exaccerbating depression.that is why the behavioral medicine---Psych---- units are full this time of year. He needs an intervention and if possible he may need a voluntary or involuntary psych eval. From you description he is definately and danger to himself and possibly a danger to others. It is hard to be a friend to someone who is in a depression but please keep trying. ..........Trace
Answers:
thanks so much for all yalls advise makes sence to me.
volunteering your time and or talents this time of year does somthing to you that nothing else can give you. rehab center what a wonderfull idea.
and as far as volunteer work we both do quite a bit here playing for organizations and benifits in fact ive been trying to find someone to come with me once a week to a local retirment home to sing while i play . my playing is fine but unfotuntatly if i was singing for poopoo i couldnt event get a smell. i sound like edith bunker lol well thats what my mom said lol but she didnt use that word tho lol
well as for as beanie he is walking a fine line right now lol i spoke to his boss and he is on him like a duck on a junebug.
its you women out there drivin us men nuts lol
Answers:
Excuse me, :) jrs, it's you guys that make us do it!!!!!! :p ;)
It's good of you to help that guy. Hope it turns out OK.
Granny
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jrs,,,I wish my 21 yr old niece could talk to him,,,,this child was 15 when she saw her mom stabbed by her dad,,,plus tryed to help and had her hand cut,,,has this scar on her hand to remind her of the way her mom died,,,,this was my sisters only daughter,,,that died,,,and you know who helped us get through this,,,this child,,,she hardly ever cryed (in front of anyone) never took a drug (and many dr's advised it) never had a drink (this was the whole problem,to begin with) we went every week to bereavement get togethers,,,,,and you know who was the source of helping the other children get through losing parents from (cancer) although her situation was so much more trumatic,,,she helped them dealing with a loss of a parent,,,she went through some very,very hard times and never missed school,,,,never wanted anyone to feel sorry for her,,,, we just stopped and said to ourselves,,,well if this kid can get through such and ordeal,,,so can we!!!!!! many times she calls me and her thoughts now are,,,, wondering whether or not she wants to visit her,,, dad in prison,,, I'm her source of strength,,,she tells me that,,,,I showed her you can cry and still be a strong person,,,, I also told her drugs covers pain and sadness,,for the time being,,,,sooner or later you must cope with what happened,,,,she said to me that's why helping others helps me get through this,,,,she attends college,,,works 2 jobs,,,and never asks any of us for a dime,,,her dream is to be a gym teacher,,,,,If I were to tell right now about this young man,,,,her first words would be,,,,PLEASE LET ME TALK TO HIM,,,I CAN HELP HIM!!!!!!! jrs. the only thing you can do for him,,,is be there when you can,,,, this is a sad,sad story,,,and only someone who has gone through the same thing can truly understand what it feels like,,,,,,all we can do is only imagine what it's like,,,,,, Holidays are sad times,,,and she just called me last night for addresses,,,well of course I know how sad she feels inside but we sure had some laughs,,,,talking about her mom,,,,memories of her childhood Christmas's,,,how her mom would buy half of the store,,,work 3 jobs,,,just to make her Xmas a happy one,,,,,,,isn't that amazing,,,what a mom she was and had to die. I truly feel bad for this man!!!!!
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bless her heart, seems like some people are giving so much more misery then any one person can handle and some handle so much more then others ever could. she sounds like a awsome lady. im a beliver in the idea there are old souls and young souls and they young one has so many lessons still to learn that being my friend and your neice being a old soul is just so far past all that . if that makes any sence . well thats the only way i can make sence out of stuff like that anyways. you have to just admire someone with a inner strenght like that and look to them as inspiration.
Answers:
Thank You,jrs,,,,,,but it really makes you wonder,what she is thinking and what her heart feels like ,,,right???? I hope your friend will get through this,,,as I said no one knows unless you experience this tragedy,,,
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Wow! Reading about your friend has bought up a lot of feelings that I havent thought about in a while- My friend Susan killed herself about 10 yrs ago-She had a hard life growing up- her father was killed in a job accident when she was in high school anfd her older sister was killed in a car accident - he mom jwas so depressed that she didnt realize wht this was doing to het daughter until it was too late-Susan stopped eating- she just drank alcohol-
A group of friend tried to tell her she was loved and she should get help- she refused - we finally got her mom to have her hospitalized for depression & her eating disorder--it just got worse- her body just shut down- her heart stopped. It was so sad to see her just fade away and nobody could get through to her--she felt unloved - and no matter how many times we let her know that we loved her and wanted her in our lives-she didnt hear us. I have though so many times "what else could we have done to save her" I just dont have an answer- I never will.
I think all you can do- is show your friend love and include him in your life-nobody want to be alone especially on the holiday-its so sad to be alone.
You can contact youtr local hospital and get info on a support group for him- you can attend with him if he wants- He needs a fresh perspective sometimes a starnger can get through were friends & family can't. Let a professional handle this and with your support he should get through this hard time in his life.
All the best- My prayers are with you and your friend.
Answers:
Tara,,,I'm sorry about your friend also,,,so sad,,,,but as you said you were there for her and did the best you cann,,,that's all that matters,,,always remember that,,,,,we always say,,, what if we did this,,,, what if we that,,,we learned we can't blames ourselves,,,,,,
Answers:
Suicide is really hard on the ones left behind. My mother-in-law shot herself. This was in 1973 and we still wonder what we could have done. It has affected the whole family and we still see the sadness in them at times.
jrs, I hope your friend makes it through and gets some help.
Granny
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granny,,,,,that is so sad also,,,,
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I was at the bank this afternoon, when I heard "Hi Mike. Do you remember me?" from a woman on line. (I hate when that happens!) I turned around to see a classmate and former neighbor. (She lived around the corner from me when we were growing up. We went to through school together and her grandfather was my barber for many years.) We spent a few minutes reminiscing. I don't remember the last time that I talked to her. (And that includes going all the way back to high school. Our 30th reunion is coming up. There was over 700 kids in our class. She's a nice person but we had very little in common.) Her parents live in my parents neighborhood and every once in a while, I would see them talking to my mother in front of her house. I haven't lived at home for over 20 years so I can't remember the last time that I saw either one of her parents. Anyway, we asked how each other's family was doing. I was shocked when she told me that her father had committed suicide about five years ago. ( I don't remember seeing an obituary, but then I don't read them every day. It's also possible that there wasn't any.) I didn't know him very well, but he's the last person I would have suspected of doing something like that. (His father was my barber and he was always in and out of the shop. I always thought that he had a happy go lucky personality.) She explained that he was depressed and they didn't realize it until she found him. That must have been awful.
Joey, I've been thinking about your friend since I ran into my classmate and former neighbor. I hope and pray that he's gonna be o.k.
Mike
Answers:
thanks mike whewwwwww i know we been watching him like a hawk
it was so scary going there cause this is how it went for me. i had a friend and neigbor that was a bit slow and slow people bring out the best or worst in people . so many people teased and took advantage of his good nature it was sickining . well he got depressed and went out back and took a shotgun and a bucket and he bent over and blew his brains in the bucket so he woundnt make a mess. and not long after the neighbor behind me sat in his living room after supper called his wife in the room when she walked in the door he had a pistol to his head and shot himself . a year later on the date of his death his little brother shot himself. then another friend gets a hotel room puts newspaper on the floor and shoots himself .had another friend that ate poison that was the worst it was horrable . and on top of all that my sister gets depressed and slits her wrists. so going to see if beanie was alive was a hard thing for me to do. im sure he was crying out for love and hes getting it . trouble is you never know what is going on in someones mind and sometimes it to late when ya do. so if you just think someone is in that mind set you have to do somthing .
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