Question:
:D :D :D O.K. it's time for another joke/funny...........
Bumper Sticker Humor
My husband & I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God & I didn't.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me.
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
Quoting one is plagiarism; Quoting many is research.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, coughing, why-oh-why-is-the- room spinning medicine.
The trouble with life is there's no background music.
God must love stupid people; he made so many.
I took an IQ test & the results were negative.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Ever stop to think, & forget to start again?
To err is human, to really foul things up requires a computer.
1 Attachment(s) Ha Ha...Thanks for the laugh...we need more laughter here folks...!!!!!
Howdy. I'm Mac Adams. Maybe you've heard of me 'round these here parts. I own the road.
You've probably seen me at some time or 'nother as I travel the highways and biways of this great country of ours. I drive a bunch of different vee-hickles, depending on muh mood. Sometimes I'm in a big ol' four-wheel-drive pickup, an' other times I'm haulin' ass in a Bee-Emm-Dubya or one o' them there CORvettes. I got an SUV or two, and just fer kicks sometimes I haul out my dinky little To-Yoter Prius. (Really freaks folks out when they see me in that puppy.) Maybe you've even thought to yourself, "Does that guy think he owns the road?"
Yep. I shore do. Paid a pretty penny for it, too, let me tell you. But she's mine, all right, to do with as I please. Ever' damn inch of her. I could stop muh car in the middle of rush-ahr traffic on the freeway, pull down m'pants and get to fornicatin' with the asphalt right there. If'n I wanted to, that is. I don't want to, 'cause you can get a nasty rash on your dingus that way. But I could if'n I wanted. 'Cause I own it. All of it. Got the receipt to prove it.
You probably ain't seen me around much lately, on account of I been hangin' out around Birmingham, Alabama. Pretty town, lemme tell you. Nice roads. 'Course, I own 'em, y'know.
I been hanging around this here fella, calls himself Fox. God knows why. Why ennybody'd wanna name themselves after a girly animal is beyond me. I figger he ain't got the sense God gave a rabid turtle sittin' on a Ritz cracker. So I thinks to m'self, "Let's have a little fun with this here Fox character."
So I commenced to funnin' with him. T'other day he was pullin' out into an intersection. Just gettin' off work. I bet he was in a hurry to get home; he's got hisself a purty little woman. He was obeyin' all the traffic rules and such, which is fine and dandy, but rules don't mean jack-squat to Mac Adams, Owner of the Road. It's my propitty, and I can do what I want with it.
I waited until he was makin' his little left-hand turn at the intersection, then I gunned my 1976 El Camino (I got one o' them, too, did I tell you? Brown as a bug turd and twice as ugly) and pulled into the same lane he was in from the opposite direction. Timed it juuuuuust right. He nearly didn't see me comin', but at the last instant he swerved outta my way right when I was pullin' into his lane. I pretended not to pay him no heed, but I could see him in my rear-view just a wavin' his arms and cussin'. He looked kinda like a chicken havin' an epileptic fit. I nearly busted a gut laughin'.
Next day, I was s'posed to head on up to San Francisco; I spend a lot o' time there, doncha know. But I kept thinkin' and thinkin' about how funny that Fox fella looked, and I finally decided I just had to mess with him a little more. This time I used one of my SUVs (I ain't got nearly as many of them as people seem to think, but they do come in right handy occasionally). I got in front of him on his way home, and acted like I wasn't gonna do anything wrong a'tall. But once we got on that little two-lane road close to his house (I own that road too, o'course), I put on my right blinker and acted like I was gonna turn into a little side street. But what I did was, I just sat there. Prob'ly didn't move for a coupla minutes, at least. Blinker just a-goin' the whole time. Blinkety-blinkety-blink. That Fox guy couldn't see nothin' around me, on account of I was drivin' my biggest SUV, so he didn't know if he could pull around me or not. Oooh, was he fit to be tied! I mean to tell you! He kept makin' little helpful gestures with his hands, like he was tryin' to say "Turn already!" I thought about gettin' out and fornicatin' with the road, just to show him who owned it (that'd be me). But m'dingus wadn't quite healed from the last time I did that, up around Seattle. So I just set, and set, and set. Finally he up and zoomed around me. Durn fool nearly got hisself kilt, too, on account of there was a car comin' the other way. He swerved around it, though.
The kicker came yesterdy. He was headin' in to work, this time. About five miles from his interstate exit, I started creepin' my car (little Miata, this time; I call her Clarice) over into his lane. I'd let 'er creep a bit, then move back. Creep some more, move back. He couldn't get away from me, on account of the traffic bein' so heavy, but I could tell he wanted to just mash his foot down and make me eat dust. Lord, he was gettin' flusterated. I'd creep 'er over, and he'd swerve way the hell into the breakdown lane. (Yup. Own that too.) It got to where all I had to do was let my little Clarice just twitch a bit in his direction, and he'd be spewin' up gravel and chewin' up turf on the far side of the breakdown lane. I ain't had so much fun since I got to touch Nixon's gallstones on the tour of his li'bry at Yorber Linder. 'Course he was already dead at the time, and his gallstones were in a little display. I prob'ly weren't s'posed to touch 'em, but I figured, hell, how often do you get the chance to touch the gallstones of a President?
So anyway, that Fox guy finally reached his exit, and I let 'im go. I really ought to mosey on up the road (which I own, y'know), and quit buggin' him. I got other places to be. He just gets so antsy, and he turns all purple and such, and be dogged if it ain't fun.
If'n you see me out and about, remember to stay clear of me, now. I ain't studyin' on hurtin' nobody, but y'all need to remember the road is mine, and I can do what I please on 'er. I can prove it, too. If you don't like my drivin', just ask me if I think I own the road. I'll show you my receipt real quick-like.
I've got a miniature version of it printed on the fingernail of my middle finger.
1 Attachment(s) Molly - :D That's a sweet kiss?????No Thanks , I don't need any of that kind.
Sorry, I have to turn you down on that one. Tee Hee
1 Attachment(s) Oh Fox, you definitely have to write a book & have it published. You'll
make a bundle!!!!!!
So here is a crash course in speakin chinesse
(Had to delete some of them)
> 1) That's not right ......... Sum Ting Wong
> 2) Are you harboring a fugitive?..... Hu Yu Hai Ding
> 3) See me ASAP..........Kum Hia Nao
>
> 5) Small Horse ...........Tai Ni Po Ni
> 6) Did you go to the beach? ........Wai Yu So Tan
>
> I think you need a face lift .......Chin Tu Fat
> 9) It's very dark in here .....Wao So Dim
> 10) I thought you were on a diet ......Wai Yu Mun Ching?
> 11) This is a tow away zone .......No Pah King
> 12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week .....Wai Yu Kum Nao?
> 13) Staying out of sight .........Lei Ying Lo
> 14) He's cleaning his automobile ..... Wa Shing Ka
> 15) Your body odor is offensive .......Yu Stin Ki Pu
>
Fox,
Thanks for the fun. I've also met your "friend", he sure gets around. Your imagination makes me wonder about your life, or past life? Can I be your Therapist, if you ever decide you want one? Don't go to some professional who charges. They will just mess you up, and we like you like you are!!!!
Molly,
I think I'll keep my P in preferance to whatever your Kisser has. But, I might consider giving her (?) a hug, as I believe she need one.
lol
1 Attachment(s) :D :D :D
Molly, coincidence, I saw a Chinese man today & I wanted to show off with my crash course in Chinese,
and I said to him with a smile, " Wa Shing Ka" which it so happens that I actually was.:D He just nodded
his head & smiled. Had my 101 course just in time huh?
Chicken Joke.....
Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the
traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and
so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a
day.
So one day Farmer John called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to
do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my
chickens."
"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.
"I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!"
So the next day he had the county workers go out and erected a sign that
said:
SLOW:
SCHOOL CROSSING
Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do
something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them
go even faster."
So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new
sign:
SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY
That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and called and called every
day for three weeks.
Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up
my own sign?"
The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign."
He was going to let the Farmer John do just about anything in order to get
him to stop calling everyday to complain.
The sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John. Three weeks later, curiosity
go the best of the sheriff and he decided to give Farmer John a call.
"How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?"
"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to
go. I'm very busy."
He hung up the phone.
The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself, "I'd better go
out there and take a look at that sign... it might be something that WE
could use to slow down drivers..."
So the sheriff drove out to Farmer John's house, and his jaw dropped the
moment he saw the sign. It was spray-painted on a sheet of wood:
NUDIST COLONY
Go slow and watch out for the chicks!
1 Attachment(s) That's cute LottieBay...:)
Hi Helen! I saw a cute bumper sticker yesterday:
"I believe in dragons, good men and other mythical creatures."
Hee hee!!!:D
This is my first posting, and since everyone seems to have a good sense of humor, I figured I might as well join in.
What I like to say is:
"Psoriasis isn't contagious,
Stupidity is."
It seems like everyone on these boards have formed a long distance family. I think it's very important to have that type of support in Ps times both good and bad.
Keep up the humor, it's the only thing that keeps us from going Sane !!! :D
Has anyone watched GATTTACA? That's an interesting movie that's not based on Ps. The main character does do a lot of skin scraping every morning. He's a pariah because of his genetics and tries to get someone elses identity so he can be "normal" and "accepted" for a while. I think it's worth checking out.
As a trivia: The tittle is based on the four amino acids that create our DNA (Guanine, Cytozine, Adenine, and Thiamine, GATTACA!)
I know your guy, Fox, I think he was born right here in NC. I know that alot of folks here went to the same driving school he did!:rolleyes:
Bumper sticker:
I am out of estrogen, and I have a gun.
:p
I am out of estrogen, and I have a gun.
LOL!!!!
1 Attachment(s) As Jeff Foxworthy says " You know you are a Redneck if a tornado goes through your property and does $100,000 worth of IMPROVEMENTS". airbooster:D :D :D :D
1 Attachment(s) If anybody ouy there gets called fat there are two ways to handle it
1 I may be fat but your ugly and I can lose weight.
2 I prefer to consider myself Gravitationally Challenged
airbooster:D :D :D :D
Bumper Sticker Humor
My husband & I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God & I didn't.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me.
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
Quoting one is plagiarism; Quoting many is research.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, coughing, why-oh-why-is-the- room spinning medicine.
The trouble with life is there's no background music.
God must love stupid people; he made so many.
I took an IQ test & the results were negative.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Ever stop to think, & forget to start again?
To err is human, to really foul things up requires a computer.
Answers:
1 Attachment(s) Ha Ha...Thanks for the laugh...we need more laughter here folks...!!!!!
Answers:
Howdy. I'm Mac Adams. Maybe you've heard of me 'round these here parts. I own the road.
You've probably seen me at some time or 'nother as I travel the highways and biways of this great country of ours. I drive a bunch of different vee-hickles, depending on muh mood. Sometimes I'm in a big ol' four-wheel-drive pickup, an' other times I'm haulin' ass in a Bee-Emm-Dubya or one o' them there CORvettes. I got an SUV or two, and just fer kicks sometimes I haul out my dinky little To-Yoter Prius. (Really freaks folks out when they see me in that puppy.) Maybe you've even thought to yourself, "Does that guy think he owns the road?"
Yep. I shore do. Paid a pretty penny for it, too, let me tell you. But she's mine, all right, to do with as I please. Ever' damn inch of her. I could stop muh car in the middle of rush-ahr traffic on the freeway, pull down m'pants and get to fornicatin' with the asphalt right there. If'n I wanted to, that is. I don't want to, 'cause you can get a nasty rash on your dingus that way. But I could if'n I wanted. 'Cause I own it. All of it. Got the receipt to prove it.
You probably ain't seen me around much lately, on account of I been hangin' out around Birmingham, Alabama. Pretty town, lemme tell you. Nice roads. 'Course, I own 'em, y'know.
I been hanging around this here fella, calls himself Fox. God knows why. Why ennybody'd wanna name themselves after a girly animal is beyond me. I figger he ain't got the sense God gave a rabid turtle sittin' on a Ritz cracker. So I thinks to m'self, "Let's have a little fun with this here Fox character."
So I commenced to funnin' with him. T'other day he was pullin' out into an intersection. Just gettin' off work. I bet he was in a hurry to get home; he's got hisself a purty little woman. He was obeyin' all the traffic rules and such, which is fine and dandy, but rules don't mean jack-squat to Mac Adams, Owner of the Road. It's my propitty, and I can do what I want with it.
I waited until he was makin' his little left-hand turn at the intersection, then I gunned my 1976 El Camino (I got one o' them, too, did I tell you? Brown as a bug turd and twice as ugly) and pulled into the same lane he was in from the opposite direction. Timed it juuuuuust right. He nearly didn't see me comin', but at the last instant he swerved outta my way right when I was pullin' into his lane. I pretended not to pay him no heed, but I could see him in my rear-view just a wavin' his arms and cussin'. He looked kinda like a chicken havin' an epileptic fit. I nearly busted a gut laughin'.
Next day, I was s'posed to head on up to San Francisco; I spend a lot o' time there, doncha know. But I kept thinkin' and thinkin' about how funny that Fox fella looked, and I finally decided I just had to mess with him a little more. This time I used one of my SUVs (I ain't got nearly as many of them as people seem to think, but they do come in right handy occasionally). I got in front of him on his way home, and acted like I wasn't gonna do anything wrong a'tall. But once we got on that little two-lane road close to his house (I own that road too, o'course), I put on my right blinker and acted like I was gonna turn into a little side street. But what I did was, I just sat there. Prob'ly didn't move for a coupla minutes, at least. Blinker just a-goin' the whole time. Blinkety-blinkety-blink. That Fox guy couldn't see nothin' around me, on account of I was drivin' my biggest SUV, so he didn't know if he could pull around me or not. Oooh, was he fit to be tied! I mean to tell you! He kept makin' little helpful gestures with his hands, like he was tryin' to say "Turn already!" I thought about gettin' out and fornicatin' with the road, just to show him who owned it (that'd be me). But m'dingus wadn't quite healed from the last time I did that, up around Seattle. So I just set, and set, and set. Finally he up and zoomed around me. Durn fool nearly got hisself kilt, too, on account of there was a car comin' the other way. He swerved around it, though.
The kicker came yesterdy. He was headin' in to work, this time. About five miles from his interstate exit, I started creepin' my car (little Miata, this time; I call her Clarice) over into his lane. I'd let 'er creep a bit, then move back. Creep some more, move back. He couldn't get away from me, on account of the traffic bein' so heavy, but I could tell he wanted to just mash his foot down and make me eat dust. Lord, he was gettin' flusterated. I'd creep 'er over, and he'd swerve way the hell into the breakdown lane. (Yup. Own that too.) It got to where all I had to do was let my little Clarice just twitch a bit in his direction, and he'd be spewin' up gravel and chewin' up turf on the far side of the breakdown lane. I ain't had so much fun since I got to touch Nixon's gallstones on the tour of his li'bry at Yorber Linder. 'Course he was already dead at the time, and his gallstones were in a little display. I prob'ly weren't s'posed to touch 'em, but I figured, hell, how often do you get the chance to touch the gallstones of a President?
So anyway, that Fox guy finally reached his exit, and I let 'im go. I really ought to mosey on up the road (which I own, y'know), and quit buggin' him. I got other places to be. He just gets so antsy, and he turns all purple and such, and be dogged if it ain't fun.
If'n you see me out and about, remember to stay clear of me, now. I ain't studyin' on hurtin' nobody, but y'all need to remember the road is mine, and I can do what I please on 'er. I can prove it, too. If you don't like my drivin', just ask me if I think I own the road. I'll show you my receipt real quick-like.
I've got a miniature version of it printed on the fingernail of my middle finger.
Answers:
1 Attachment(s) Molly - :D That's a sweet kiss?????No Thanks , I don't need any of that kind.
Sorry, I have to turn you down on that one. Tee Hee
Answers:
1 Attachment(s) Oh Fox, you definitely have to write a book & have it published. You'll
make a bundle!!!!!!
Answers:
So here is a crash course in speakin chinesse
(Had to delete some of them)
> 1) That's not right ......... Sum Ting Wong
> 2) Are you harboring a fugitive?..... Hu Yu Hai Ding
> 3) See me ASAP..........Kum Hia Nao
>
> 5) Small Horse ...........Tai Ni Po Ni
> 6) Did you go to the beach? ........Wai Yu So Tan
>
> I think you need a face lift .......Chin Tu Fat
> 9) It's very dark in here .....Wao So Dim
> 10) I thought you were on a diet ......Wai Yu Mun Ching?
> 11) This is a tow away zone .......No Pah King
> 12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week .....Wai Yu Kum Nao?
> 13) Staying out of sight .........Lei Ying Lo
> 14) He's cleaning his automobile ..... Wa Shing Ka
> 15) Your body odor is offensive .......Yu Stin Ki Pu
>
Answers:
Fox,
Thanks for the fun. I've also met your "friend", he sure gets around. Your imagination makes me wonder about your life, or past life? Can I be your Therapist, if you ever decide you want one? Don't go to some professional who charges. They will just mess you up, and we like you like you are!!!!
Molly,
I think I'll keep my P in preferance to whatever your Kisser has. But, I might consider giving her (?) a hug, as I believe she need one.
lol
Answers:
1 Attachment(s) :D :D :D
Molly, coincidence, I saw a Chinese man today & I wanted to show off with my crash course in Chinese,
and I said to him with a smile, " Wa Shing Ka" which it so happens that I actually was.:D He just nodded
his head & smiled. Had my 101 course just in time huh?
Answers:
Chicken Joke.....
Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the
traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and
so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a
day.
So one day Farmer John called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to
do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my
chickens."
"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.
"I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!"
So the next day he had the county workers go out and erected a sign that
said:
SLOW:
SCHOOL CROSSING
Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do
something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them
go even faster."
So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new
sign:
SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY
That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and called and called every
day for three weeks.
Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up
my own sign?"
The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign."
He was going to let the Farmer John do just about anything in order to get
him to stop calling everyday to complain.
The sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John. Three weeks later, curiosity
go the best of the sheriff and he decided to give Farmer John a call.
"How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?"
"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to
go. I'm very busy."
He hung up the phone.
The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself, "I'd better go
out there and take a look at that sign... it might be something that WE
could use to slow down drivers..."
So the sheriff drove out to Farmer John's house, and his jaw dropped the
moment he saw the sign. It was spray-painted on a sheet of wood:
NUDIST COLONY
Go slow and watch out for the chicks!
Answers:
1 Attachment(s) That's cute LottieBay...:)
Answers:
Hi Helen! I saw a cute bumper sticker yesterday:
"I believe in dragons, good men and other mythical creatures."
Hee hee!!!:D
Answers:
This is my first posting, and since everyone seems to have a good sense of humor, I figured I might as well join in.
What I like to say is:
"Psoriasis isn't contagious,
Stupidity is."
It seems like everyone on these boards have formed a long distance family. I think it's very important to have that type of support in Ps times both good and bad.
Keep up the humor, it's the only thing that keeps us from going Sane !!! :D
Has anyone watched GATTTACA? That's an interesting movie that's not based on Ps. The main character does do a lot of skin scraping every morning. He's a pariah because of his genetics and tries to get someone elses identity so he can be "normal" and "accepted" for a while. I think it's worth checking out.
As a trivia: The tittle is based on the four amino acids that create our DNA (Guanine, Cytozine, Adenine, and Thiamine, GATTACA!)
Answers:
I know your guy, Fox, I think he was born right here in NC. I know that alot of folks here went to the same driving school he did!:rolleyes:
Bumper sticker:
I am out of estrogen, and I have a gun.
:p
Answers:
I am out of estrogen, and I have a gun.
LOL!!!!
Answers:
1 Attachment(s) As Jeff Foxworthy says " You know you are a Redneck if a tornado goes through your property and does $100,000 worth of IMPROVEMENTS". airbooster:D :D :D :D
Answers:
1 Attachment(s) If anybody ouy there gets called fat there are two ways to handle it
1 I may be fat but your ugly and I can lose weight.
2 I prefer to consider myself Gravitationally Challenged
airbooster:D :D :D :D
1 2