Question:
1 Attachment(s)
JOKE
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 & 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 yr. old draws a bath. She
puts one foot in & pauses. She yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The
94 yr. old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up & see". She starts up the stairs & pauses. Then she
yells, " Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92 yr. old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea,
listening to her sisters. She shakes her head & says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful." She
knocks on wood for good measure. She then yells, "I'll come up & help both of you as soon as I see
who's at the door."
Great one! Loved it!
I love this joke - it reminds me of my grandma and her two sister I used to take care of.
Hee hee!!! That's a good one!
:D
Loved it!!
Margaret
1 Attachment(s) I'm so glad y'all enjoyed this joke, I did too, so I thought I'd share it with y'all.
cherylg This joke hit home cause of your grandmother & her two sisters huh?
That's funny in itself. LOL
:D :D :D
Not sure were to put this dont want to start a new thread and this is the closes humor thread I could find.
I stood next to the Emperor of the World at McDonald's!
Or at least, if it wasn't him, he seemed to think it was.
So I'm standing in line with the rest of the herd at Mickey D's today at lunch. It's a little more crowded than usual; each line to order is about five people deep. There are three registers on the front counter, but only two are for inside service. How do I know this, you ask? Because of the 8" x 12" laminated sign in front of the third register which reads "This register is for drive-thru orders ONLY!!!"
Anyway. Standing in line, standing in line, standing in line. It's taking quite a while, for some reason, but no big deal; I've got a book.
I sense someone standing to my left, and glance over. There's a guy at the counter with three kids, and his wife is behind him. At least, I assume she's his wife; she keeps orbiting him. He's taken up station at the register. The register with the sign. The one that says "This register is for drive-thru orders ONLY!!!"
I wonder briefly why the man is standing there. Probably has a problem with his order, or wants some extra honey-mustard packs, or something. None of my business. I delve back into the plot intricacies of Carl Hiaasen.
Finally! I get to the counter. I place my order. I look again to my left after I order. Guy's still there. Three kids are still there. Woman is still there. Now a sixth person has joined the group, standing behind the woman. Doesn't seem to be part of their karass; looks like a construction worker of some sort.
But the man is now affecting my herding ability. In this McDonald's, you place your order, then move a step or two to the left of the register. That's where they serve your food when it's ready. There's even a helpful laminated mat placed on the counter, with a big "Pick up order HERE" imprint on its far left side. The man is standing right in front of that imprint. The guy who placed his order right before me can't herd properly, since the other guy is blocking the end of the cattle chute. I moo impatiently, but to no avail.
As I'm standing there patiently, swatting flies with my tail, the guy leans over the counter and twitches the sleeve of the girl who took my order.
"Is anybody gonna take our order here?" he asks.
Instantly my bovine senses are on alert. This guy is breaking the Code of the Herd! He's moved to the end of the Chute, and is now affecting the speed with which the McDonald's girl can fulfill my order! He can't do that! I toss my horns and moo more strenuously, but he takes no notice.
"That's the drive-thru register, sir," the girl answers.
"You need to have a sign, then," he says. "There are a bunch of people in line for this register. You should alternate us in or something."
I look back. That is true; the line behind him has now swelled to approximately five people (not counting his kids and possible wife/satellite). They are chewing cud contentedly. They have fulfilled the herd responsibility of Forming a Line.
I look again at the sign. The sign right in front of the register. The one that says "This register for drive-thru orders ONLY!!!" The sign that is squarely in front of this guy's navel.
The counter girl is quicker on the uptake than I am; she immediately recognizes the Emperor of the World. Her actions are swift and decisive -- she turns and taps the shift manager, and goes back to her register.
Shift manager comes up. He's obviously tired and harried; it's the middle of the lunch rush. He's filling three orders and balancing sixteen shakes with one hand, while he runs a register with the other. "Yes sir?"
The Emperor speaks. "We've been waiting in line, and no one has taken our order." I moo in disagreement (softly, but belligerently). There was no line you were waiting in. You just walked up to the counter and stood in front of the register. The register with the sign. The sign that ... well, you know.
The shift manager looks puzzled. "This is the drive-thru register. It's not for inside orders."
The Emperor does not raise his voice. Another sign of true power. That should have tipped me off, but I'm still in herd mode. And the end of the Chute is still blocked. "I've been standing in line, waiting for someone to take my order."
The shift manager still doesn't realize who he's dealing with. "Sir, there hasn't been a line here. I'm on drive-thru; I've been running this register. You can't have been standing in line."
"If this register is for drive-thru, you should have a sign," said the Emperor.
Wordlessly, the shift manager touches the laminated sign. The sign right in front of the Emperor's navel.
"There are a lot of people standing in this line," said the Emperor, still without raising his voice. That is true. Herd members, assuming their Emperor would not be stupid enough to stand in an area without a functioning register, formed up behind him. There is now a line behind the Emperor fully as long as the lines at the other two registers. "I suggest you alternate us in on that register." He points to the one in front of which I'm still stuck. On account of the Chute being blocked. By him.
The scales suddenly fall from the shift manager's eyes. He has an epiphany; he recognizes the august presence who stands before him. He turns to the counter girl and says "Work these people in." And turns to fulfil his other obligations.
My food arrives at the end of the chute; I pick it up (daring to enter the Sphere of Imperial Influence to do so) and go sit down. Wild ideas are coruscating through my mind as I chew my cud. I didn't even know we had an Emperor of the World! How powerful he must be, to alter the plainly stated Laws of McDonald's! How important he is, to not only deem his time more valuable than the others who waited in the proper lines, but to immediately elevate the other Herd Members who unknowingly got into line behind him and who now will get served faster than they should have! How lucky we all are that he has reproduced, so that his offspring can carry on the Imperial Way!
Ultimately, however, my wayward and disconnected brainwaves distilled into three crystal-clear thoughts as I drove back to my stall ... uh, office:
1) The Emperor of the World is not as tall as I'd thought he would be.
2) His more ardent followers will be distressed to learn that he apparently can't read.
3) I should have gored him.
1 Attachment(s) ROFL Oh David, I can't stand this, after talking with U in chat I finally got half way out of the chat room with Member Chat window lurking behind the Message board window waiting for the opportunity to lunge
at me & take me back to the chat room. I do not for the life of me know why it wants to keep me as a
hostage. Well, anyway so far so good I tell my self just so he's lurking & not attacking! Now I think I am free
to read your post. I hope. You are so extremely FUNNY!!! With tears in my eyes & my abdomen
hurting me so from laughing I really don't know how I managed to be able to see thru the watery eyes to
finish reading your post. Oh my goodness gracious,,, YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY become a full pledge author
as a Comedian and/or Novelist. You'll continually be on the Best Seller List & I'll be in line to buy your books
in the right line. LOL After I finished reading your post & hurting so, I went to the Post Reply to write my
thoughts to you, forgetting about that thing that's lurking behind my window. Well Zoom, there it surely was
& as the day is long it knocked me back into the chat room!!! Hellllllppp!!!! I'm struggling with all my might
to get out & stay out. Next time if I ever get out, I'll spray myself with Skunk oil & then perhaps you think
maybe??? I'm pressing all kinds of buttons to no avail, but somehow by the Grace of God I got out altogether
& went back to my "Favorite Place" (that's a joke) to start completely over again from scratch so that I may
this time be able to post my reply to you. I do not drink, but boy could I use a stiff one NOW! LOL
Worn out & hurting........
Hi David;
Your experience was funny but your description of it to us is been EXCELLENT... I was even able to picture it all !!!! I agree... you should write for a living !!!!
Keep them coming....
Sunny regards,
Iris :)
Helen.....
Almost forgot...I really enjoyed your joke !!! :D :D :D
Sunny regards,
Iris :)
1 Attachment(s) Oh boy, you both are precious! Thanks for the laughs:D :D :D
Hi Ray,
You know the guy who's parked directly in front of the door at the market at about 5:15 every afternoon. The car is always running to preserve the heat/ac, but locked up tight as a drum.
Look though I may, I can never seem to pick him out in the store. If you see the Emperor again, would you post a picture so that we may all part the human seas we move in that he may pass?
I've always told my children that the person in that car was a " Very Important Person ", but never knew how important until I read your wonderful post!!;)
1 Attachment(s) Hey Helen and Foxy,
Loved both the joke and the Emperor story! LOL! Thanks for sharing! :D
Barbara
1 Attachment(s) :D Hope y'all will enjoy this one....
A guy comes into a coffee shop & places his order, he says "I want 3 flat tires, a pair of headlights
and a pair of running boards". The waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, goes to the kitchen
& asks the cook, "This guy out there just ordered 3 flat tires, a pair of headlights & a pair of
running boards. What does he think this is, an auto parts store?" "No" the cook says, "three
flat tires means 3 pancakes and a pair of headlights is 2 eggs sunny side up, running boards
is 2 slices of crisp bacon." "Oh", says the waitress. The waitress thinks about this & then she
spoons up a bowl of beans & gives it to the customer. The guy says, "What are the beans for?"
The waitress replies, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights & running
boards, you might want to gas up."
A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the
salesman: I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer
screen.
The surprised salesman replies: - "But, madam, computers do not have
curtains...."
And the blonde said: - "Helloooo.... I've got Windows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sorry guys I can't think of any clean ones for the boards.
Ray:Do the BLueberry strudels know there is other food on your life?
FLakeyMatt
Oh Matt they know about my McDonald's fetish. I loves me some McDonald's. Eat there 3 times a week at least. Anytime the 'I don’t care diner dance' starts that always my first place I suggest. And for that very reason, important people eat there you never know who your going to meet. This never works but I do suggest it.
-Fox
Hey Guys...
well... i practically pee'd my pants reading all of your jokes... so i figured i should post one of my own:
"One night, a dad was passing by his son's room as he heard his son praying 'and God bless mommy, daddy, grandma. ta ta grandpa' The man didnt quite know what this meant, but was glad that his son was praying. the next morning they found grandpa dead on the floor becuz of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence... but still he was a little spooked.The next night, he heard his son praying again ' God bless mommy and daddy. ta ta grandma! The father was a little worried, but decided to wait until the morning. Sure enough, the next morning, they found grandma dead on the floor becuz of a heart attack. Really scared now, the father listened to his son pray again 'God bless mommy. ta ta daddy!' Now the father was crapping his pants... he stayed up all night and in the morning he even went to the doctor, who told him his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the front porch... she said 'thank god you're here... we could use your help... we found the milkman dead on the porch this morning' "
Oh Goodness! Boy... i sure got a good laugh out of that one... and i sure how you all did too!
Laugh With Ya Later,
KimberlyJoy
Hey Guys,
I just came across another funny one that i thought you should hear!
Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, one is four. The nine-year-old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out. The cashier asks "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?"
The nine-year-old replies, "Nope, not for my mom." Without thinking, the cashier responded, "Well, they must be for your sister then?" The nine-year-old responded, "Nope, not for my sister either."
The cashier had now become curious. "Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister -- then who are they for?"
The nine-year old says "They're for my four-year-old little brother." The cashier is surprised: "Your four year-old-brother?"
The nine-year-old explains: "Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these, you can swim or ride a bike -- and my little brother can't do either of those things."
HA HA HA!!!!!!!! OH GOODNESS! GOT A GOOD LAUGH OUT OF THAT ONE!
> Now that Uday & Qusay have been eliminated, a lot of the lesser-known
> family
> > members are coming to the attention of the American authorities. Among
the
> > others:
> >
> > Sooflay -- the restauranteur
> > Guday -- the half-Australian brother
> > Huray -- the sports fanatic
> > Sashay -- the gay brother
> > Kuntay & Kintay -- the twins from the African mother
> > Sayhay -- the baseball player
> > Ojay -- the stalker/murderer
> > Gulay -- the singer/entertainer
> > Ebay -- the internet czar
> > Biliray -- the country music star
> > Ecksray -- the radiologist
> > Puray -- the blender factory owner
> > Regay -- the half-Jamaican brother
> > Tupay -- the one with bad hair
> >
> > Among the sisters:
> >
> > Lattay..............the coffee shop owner
> > Bufay...............the 300 pound sister
> > Dushay..............the clean sister
> > Phayray.............the zoo worker in the gorilla house
> > Sapheway............the grocery store owner
> > Ollay...............the half-mexican sister
> >
> > Finally, there is Oyvey, but the family doesn't like to talk about her.
> >
> >
> > Among the sisters:
> >
> > Lattay..............the coffee shop owner
> > Bufay...............the 300 pound sister
> > Dushay..............the clean sister
> > Phayray.............the zoo worker in the gorilla house
> > Sapheway............the grocery store owner
> > Ollay...............the half-mexican sister
> >
> > Finally, there is Oyvey, but the family doesn't like to talk about her.
> >
ENJOY :) ENJOY!!!
After 17 years of marriage, the man dumped his wife for a younger woman. The uptown luxuary apartment was in his name and he wanted to remain there with his new love so he asked the wife to move out and then he would buy her another place.
The wife agreed to this, but asked that she be given 3 days on her own there, to pack up her things. While he was gone, the first day she lovingly put her personal belongings into boxes and crates, and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their candlelit dining table, soft music playing in the background, and feasted alone on a pound of shrimp and a bottle of Chardonnay. When she had finished, she went into each room and deposited a few of the resulting shrimp shells into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
The husband came back with his new girl, and all was bliss for the first few days. Then it started; slowly but surely. Clueless, the man could not explain why the place smelled so bad.
They tried everything; cleaned and mopped and aired the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, carpets were steam cleaned, air freshners were hung everywhere. Extrminators were brought in, the carpets were replaced, and on it went.
Finally, they could take no more and decided to move. The moving company arrived and did a very professional packing job, taking everything to their new home.
.....including the curtain rods.
Quote:
Life is tough... but it's tougher if you're stupid!
John Wayne-Sands of Iwo Jima
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an
animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first,
but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the
following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come
once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee
twice. Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.
"In this country....we don't speak aloud in pubic places about our sex
lives........."
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a
justa
tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
I BET YOU READ THIS AGAIN!!
1 Attachment(s) Great Jokes!
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 & 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 yr. old draws a bath. She
puts one foot in & pauses. She yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The
94 yr. old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up & see". She starts up the stairs & pauses. Then she
yells, " Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92 yr. old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea,
listening to her sisters. She shakes her head & says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful." She
knocks on wood for good measure. She then yells, "I'll come up & help both of you as soon as I see
who's at the door."
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Great one! Loved it!
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I love this joke - it reminds me of my grandma and her two sister I used to take care of.
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Hee hee!!! That's a good one!
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:D
Loved it!!
Margaret
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1 Attachment(s) I'm so glad y'all enjoyed this joke, I did too, so I thought I'd share it with y'all.
cherylg This joke hit home cause of your grandmother & her two sisters huh?
That's funny in itself. LOL
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:D :D :D
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Not sure were to put this dont want to start a new thread and this is the closes humor thread I could find.
I stood next to the Emperor of the World at McDonald's!
Or at least, if it wasn't him, he seemed to think it was.
So I'm standing in line with the rest of the herd at Mickey D's today at lunch. It's a little more crowded than usual; each line to order is about five people deep. There are three registers on the front counter, but only two are for inside service. How do I know this, you ask? Because of the 8" x 12" laminated sign in front of the third register which reads "This register is for drive-thru orders ONLY!!!"
Anyway. Standing in line, standing in line, standing in line. It's taking quite a while, for some reason, but no big deal; I've got a book.
I sense someone standing to my left, and glance over. There's a guy at the counter with three kids, and his wife is behind him. At least, I assume she's his wife; she keeps orbiting him. He's taken up station at the register. The register with the sign. The one that says "This register is for drive-thru orders ONLY!!!"
I wonder briefly why the man is standing there. Probably has a problem with his order, or wants some extra honey-mustard packs, or something. None of my business. I delve back into the plot intricacies of Carl Hiaasen.
Finally! I get to the counter. I place my order. I look again to my left after I order. Guy's still there. Three kids are still there. Woman is still there. Now a sixth person has joined the group, standing behind the woman. Doesn't seem to be part of their karass; looks like a construction worker of some sort.
But the man is now affecting my herding ability. In this McDonald's, you place your order, then move a step or two to the left of the register. That's where they serve your food when it's ready. There's even a helpful laminated mat placed on the counter, with a big "Pick up order HERE" imprint on its far left side. The man is standing right in front of that imprint. The guy who placed his order right before me can't herd properly, since the other guy is blocking the end of the cattle chute. I moo impatiently, but to no avail.
As I'm standing there patiently, swatting flies with my tail, the guy leans over the counter and twitches the sleeve of the girl who took my order.
"Is anybody gonna take our order here?" he asks.
Instantly my bovine senses are on alert. This guy is breaking the Code of the Herd! He's moved to the end of the Chute, and is now affecting the speed with which the McDonald's girl can fulfill my order! He can't do that! I toss my horns and moo more strenuously, but he takes no notice.
"That's the drive-thru register, sir," the girl answers.
"You need to have a sign, then," he says. "There are a bunch of people in line for this register. You should alternate us in or something."
I look back. That is true; the line behind him has now swelled to approximately five people (not counting his kids and possible wife/satellite). They are chewing cud contentedly. They have fulfilled the herd responsibility of Forming a Line.
I look again at the sign. The sign right in front of the register. The one that says "This register for drive-thru orders ONLY!!!" The sign that is squarely in front of this guy's navel.
The counter girl is quicker on the uptake than I am; she immediately recognizes the Emperor of the World. Her actions are swift and decisive -- she turns and taps the shift manager, and goes back to her register.
Shift manager comes up. He's obviously tired and harried; it's the middle of the lunch rush. He's filling three orders and balancing sixteen shakes with one hand, while he runs a register with the other. "Yes sir?"
The Emperor speaks. "We've been waiting in line, and no one has taken our order." I moo in disagreement (softly, but belligerently). There was no line you were waiting in. You just walked up to the counter and stood in front of the register. The register with the sign. The sign that ... well, you know.
The shift manager looks puzzled. "This is the drive-thru register. It's not for inside orders."
The Emperor does not raise his voice. Another sign of true power. That should have tipped me off, but I'm still in herd mode. And the end of the Chute is still blocked. "I've been standing in line, waiting for someone to take my order."
The shift manager still doesn't realize who he's dealing with. "Sir, there hasn't been a line here. I'm on drive-thru; I've been running this register. You can't have been standing in line."
"If this register is for drive-thru, you should have a sign," said the Emperor.
Wordlessly, the shift manager touches the laminated sign. The sign right in front of the Emperor's navel.
"There are a lot of people standing in this line," said the Emperor, still without raising his voice. That is true. Herd members, assuming their Emperor would not be stupid enough to stand in an area without a functioning register, formed up behind him. There is now a line behind the Emperor fully as long as the lines at the other two registers. "I suggest you alternate us in on that register." He points to the one in front of which I'm still stuck. On account of the Chute being blocked. By him.
The scales suddenly fall from the shift manager's eyes. He has an epiphany; he recognizes the august presence who stands before him. He turns to the counter girl and says "Work these people in." And turns to fulfil his other obligations.
My food arrives at the end of the chute; I pick it up (daring to enter the Sphere of Imperial Influence to do so) and go sit down. Wild ideas are coruscating through my mind as I chew my cud. I didn't even know we had an Emperor of the World! How powerful he must be, to alter the plainly stated Laws of McDonald's! How important he is, to not only deem his time more valuable than the others who waited in the proper lines, but to immediately elevate the other Herd Members who unknowingly got into line behind him and who now will get served faster than they should have! How lucky we all are that he has reproduced, so that his offspring can carry on the Imperial Way!
Ultimately, however, my wayward and disconnected brainwaves distilled into three crystal-clear thoughts as I drove back to my stall ... uh, office:
1) The Emperor of the World is not as tall as I'd thought he would be.
2) His more ardent followers will be distressed to learn that he apparently can't read.
3) I should have gored him.
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1 Attachment(s) ROFL Oh David, I can't stand this, after talking with U in chat I finally got half way out of the chat room with Member Chat window lurking behind the Message board window waiting for the opportunity to lunge
at me & take me back to the chat room. I do not for the life of me know why it wants to keep me as a
hostage. Well, anyway so far so good I tell my self just so he's lurking & not attacking! Now I think I am free
to read your post. I hope. You are so extremely FUNNY!!! With tears in my eyes & my abdomen
hurting me so from laughing I really don't know how I managed to be able to see thru the watery eyes to
finish reading your post. Oh my goodness gracious,,, YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY become a full pledge author
as a Comedian and/or Novelist. You'll continually be on the Best Seller List & I'll be in line to buy your books
in the right line. LOL After I finished reading your post & hurting so, I went to the Post Reply to write my
thoughts to you, forgetting about that thing that's lurking behind my window. Well Zoom, there it surely was
& as the day is long it knocked me back into the chat room!!! Hellllllppp!!!! I'm struggling with all my might
to get out & stay out. Next time if I ever get out, I'll spray myself with Skunk oil & then perhaps you think
maybe??? I'm pressing all kinds of buttons to no avail, but somehow by the Grace of God I got out altogether
& went back to my "Favorite Place" (that's a joke) to start completely over again from scratch so that I may
this time be able to post my reply to you. I do not drink, but boy could I use a stiff one NOW! LOL
Worn out & hurting........
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Hi David;
Your experience was funny but your description of it to us is been EXCELLENT... I was even able to picture it all !!!! I agree... you should write for a living !!!!
Keep them coming....
Sunny regards,
Iris :)
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Helen.....
Almost forgot...I really enjoyed your joke !!! :D :D :D
Sunny regards,
Iris :)
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1 Attachment(s) Oh boy, you both are precious! Thanks for the laughs:D :D :D
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Hi Ray,
You know the guy who's parked directly in front of the door at the market at about 5:15 every afternoon. The car is always running to preserve the heat/ac, but locked up tight as a drum.
Look though I may, I can never seem to pick him out in the store. If you see the Emperor again, would you post a picture so that we may all part the human seas we move in that he may pass?
I've always told my children that the person in that car was a " Very Important Person ", but never knew how important until I read your wonderful post!!;)
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1 Attachment(s) Hey Helen and Foxy,
Loved both the joke and the Emperor story! LOL! Thanks for sharing! :D
Barbara
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1 Attachment(s) :D Hope y'all will enjoy this one....
A guy comes into a coffee shop & places his order, he says "I want 3 flat tires, a pair of headlights
and a pair of running boards". The waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, goes to the kitchen
& asks the cook, "This guy out there just ordered 3 flat tires, a pair of headlights & a pair of
running boards. What does he think this is, an auto parts store?" "No" the cook says, "three
flat tires means 3 pancakes and a pair of headlights is 2 eggs sunny side up, running boards
is 2 slices of crisp bacon." "Oh", says the waitress. The waitress thinks about this & then she
spoons up a bowl of beans & gives it to the customer. The guy says, "What are the beans for?"
The waitress replies, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights & running
boards, you might want to gas up."
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A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the
salesman: I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer
screen.
The surprised salesman replies: - "But, madam, computers do not have
curtains...."
And the blonde said: - "Helloooo.... I've got Windows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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Sorry guys I can't think of any clean ones for the boards.
Ray:Do the BLueberry strudels know there is other food on your life?
FLakeyMatt
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Oh Matt they know about my McDonald's fetish. I loves me some McDonald's. Eat there 3 times a week at least. Anytime the 'I don’t care diner dance' starts that always my first place I suggest. And for that very reason, important people eat there you never know who your going to meet. This never works but I do suggest it.
-Fox
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Hey Guys...
well... i practically pee'd my pants reading all of your jokes... so i figured i should post one of my own:
"One night, a dad was passing by his son's room as he heard his son praying 'and God bless mommy, daddy, grandma. ta ta grandpa' The man didnt quite know what this meant, but was glad that his son was praying. the next morning they found grandpa dead on the floor becuz of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence... but still he was a little spooked.The next night, he heard his son praying again ' God bless mommy and daddy. ta ta grandma! The father was a little worried, but decided to wait until the morning. Sure enough, the next morning, they found grandma dead on the floor becuz of a heart attack. Really scared now, the father listened to his son pray again 'God bless mommy. ta ta daddy!' Now the father was crapping his pants... he stayed up all night and in the morning he even went to the doctor, who told him his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the front porch... she said 'thank god you're here... we could use your help... we found the milkman dead on the porch this morning' "
Oh Goodness! Boy... i sure got a good laugh out of that one... and i sure how you all did too!
Laugh With Ya Later,
KimberlyJoy
Answers:
Hey Guys,
I just came across another funny one that i thought you should hear!
Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, one is four. The nine-year-old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out. The cashier asks "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?"
The nine-year-old replies, "Nope, not for my mom." Without thinking, the cashier responded, "Well, they must be for your sister then?" The nine-year-old responded, "Nope, not for my sister either."
The cashier had now become curious. "Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister -- then who are they for?"
The nine-year old says "They're for my four-year-old little brother." The cashier is surprised: "Your four year-old-brother?"
The nine-year-old explains: "Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these, you can swim or ride a bike -- and my little brother can't do either of those things."
HA HA HA!!!!!!!! OH GOODNESS! GOT A GOOD LAUGH OUT OF THAT ONE!
Answers:
> Now that Uday & Qusay have been eliminated, a lot of the lesser-known
> family
> > members are coming to the attention of the American authorities. Among
the
> > others:
> >
> > Sooflay -- the restauranteur
> > Guday -- the half-Australian brother
> > Huray -- the sports fanatic
> > Sashay -- the gay brother
> > Kuntay & Kintay -- the twins from the African mother
> > Sayhay -- the baseball player
> > Ojay -- the stalker/murderer
> > Gulay -- the singer/entertainer
> > Ebay -- the internet czar
> > Biliray -- the country music star
> > Ecksray -- the radiologist
> > Puray -- the blender factory owner
> > Regay -- the half-Jamaican brother
> > Tupay -- the one with bad hair
> >
> > Among the sisters:
> >
> > Lattay..............the coffee shop owner
> > Bufay...............the 300 pound sister
> > Dushay..............the clean sister
> > Phayray.............the zoo worker in the gorilla house
> > Sapheway............the grocery store owner
> > Ollay...............the half-mexican sister
> >
> > Finally, there is Oyvey, but the family doesn't like to talk about her.
> >
> >
> > Among the sisters:
> >
> > Lattay..............the coffee shop owner
> > Bufay...............the 300 pound sister
> > Dushay..............the clean sister
> > Phayray.............the zoo worker in the gorilla house
> > Sapheway............the grocery store owner
> > Ollay...............the half-mexican sister
> >
> > Finally, there is Oyvey, but the family doesn't like to talk about her.
> >
ENJOY :) ENJOY!!!
Answers:
After 17 years of marriage, the man dumped his wife for a younger woman. The uptown luxuary apartment was in his name and he wanted to remain there with his new love so he asked the wife to move out and then he would buy her another place.
The wife agreed to this, but asked that she be given 3 days on her own there, to pack up her things. While he was gone, the first day she lovingly put her personal belongings into boxes and crates, and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their candlelit dining table, soft music playing in the background, and feasted alone on a pound of shrimp and a bottle of Chardonnay. When she had finished, she went into each room and deposited a few of the resulting shrimp shells into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
The husband came back with his new girl, and all was bliss for the first few days. Then it started; slowly but surely. Clueless, the man could not explain why the place smelled so bad.
They tried everything; cleaned and mopped and aired the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, carpets were steam cleaned, air freshners were hung everywhere. Extrminators were brought in, the carpets were replaced, and on it went.
Finally, they could take no more and decided to move. The moving company arrived and did a very professional packing job, taking everything to their new home.
.....including the curtain rods.
Quote:
Life is tough... but it's tougher if you're stupid!
John Wayne-Sands of Iwo Jima
Answers:
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an
animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first,
but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the
following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come
once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee
twice. Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.
"In this country....we don't speak aloud in pubic places about our sex
lives........."
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a
justa
tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
I BET YOU READ THIS AGAIN!!
Answers:
1 Attachment(s) Great Jokes!
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