Question:
Ok. What tests do you have in dating the opposite sex? Those who are married can join in with past experiences. Do you have some rules or guidelines in determining a Mr. or Ms. Right Now? Are set ups planned that would lead you to a decision whether a 2nd or 3rd date is immenent? Is there a plan to get out of that first date you are in?
Here are some dialouge from the movie A Bronx Tale to illustrate my question. For those who do not know the movie, a set up is necessary. A young man asks an older more experienced man on how to handle his first date with a young lady. Bear in mind that the setting is the 1950's and there were no electric locks back then to open car doors. Which is why this scenario will never work for me. LOL.
Sonny: Alright, listen to me. You pull up right where she lives, right? Before you get outta the car, you lock both doors. Then, get outta the car, you walk over to her. You bring her over to the car. Dig out the key, put it in the lock and open the door for her. Then you let her get in. Then you close the door. Then you walk around the back of the car and look through the rear window. If she doesn't reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in: dump her.
Calogero 'C' Anello: Just like that?
Sonny: Listen to me, kid. If she doesn't reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in, that means she's a selfish broad and all you're seeing is the tip of the iceberg. You dump her and you dump her fast.
Brilliant ain't it? What say you all?
Hello. Saw this topic and thought it was very interesting, and something that every single person should think about very seriously.
I think that a person really ought to take a serious inventory of themselves and make a list of things (personality traits, education levels, hobbies even, lots of things) that are important to them. Then you should make up a list of things that you think are drop-dead deal breakers--things that the person you date must live up to to make it worthwhile to date them. This is what I did after my first marriage went down the toilet. I realized very early on in the marriage (like, during the honeymoon) that my husband did and said whatever he had to to get me to marry him, then when the ceremony was over and the papers were signed, his true, ugly, mean, hateful, selfish colors came out. So after he was gone from my life, I made a list of things that the next person I went out on a date with had to be or have.
WARNING: This next part just might offend a few people out there. It was never intended to offend anyone or hurt anyone's feelings. When I got divorced and went back out into the dating world, I had to make sure that I didn't get involved with anyone who was even remotely like my ex-husband. I was determined that I was not going to go through my life getting hurt and abused by men. I needed to find someone who was the complete opposite of him in every way.
This was my list of criteria, and I decided I wouldn't even go out on a date with a man if he didn't pass this test.
1. Must be a college graduate.
2. Must have no children.
3. Must never have been married.
4. Does NOT work in a factory.
5. Does not hunt.
6. If he's not interested in theater, he must at least be supportive.
7. Is not afraid of or hateful towards homosexuals; must accept them for who they are. (This was a huge deal to me, due to the fact that my best friends are gay, and my first husband made me give up all contact with them.)
8. Must be able to make me laugh.
9. Must dance a little, like at parties or weddings.
Several men asked me out after hearing I was getting divorced; I had to turn them all down because most of them worked at the factory I worked at, or they were married and had kids before. I knew it was going to be really hard to find somebody with that list of criteria because I was 32 years old. But then CJ came along. I met him when we were both doing a civic theater show. He was the first and only person to check off all nine things. I married him 4 1/2 years later, and we've been each other's biggest fans ever since.
The moral of this story is...Don't go out with just anyone who asks. It's best to know the character traits that are most important to you and seek out people who have them. Start making those lists, single people!!
Sorry nomobties...looks like I am one heck of a thread killer. My apologies.
hi mario,
good thread my friend. well in the case of polly. i knew right away that she was the one i was looking for my hole life. i could feel her though's aand feelings. for me it's not what they would do (it that makes any sense) but if i had any feelings for them after the first date.
hi peggy,
you no thread killer. :D
have a good day all
richard
Hi Mario,
If you are looking for that woman who would "unlock the car door for you" and establish herself as a caring person, here is a tip that can apply in the modern world. Pay attention to how she treats service people. Is she rude to the waitress in the restaurant? Is she polite to the person who makes her Starbucks Coffee?
Someone in my family is terrible when we go out to eat. It's embarrassing to be with her. She treats her parents and her husband the same way. It has gotten so bad we avoid going anywhere with her. The kicker is, she says they are rude to her. She thinks it is necessary to get a jump on the nasty attitude in order to get decent service.
Good luck! Hope this helps.
Fay
How they treat their families. This is a special warning for Women I have found. Pay close attention to the way he both talks to and about his mother. Guys with mommy issues can be deadly...most times those issues enter into the relationship really fast and he's unconscious that he's even doing it. I guess the same could apply to women with Daddy issues as well.
For me before I met Eric (we met online), I had always been involved with professionals...was already divorced from a lawyer. The experience taught me many many lessons. The most important one was that it didn't matter what a person did for a living that should attract me...it was how he treated me. Im proud to say Im married to a blue collar worker and even longer than I as married to the lawyer (Steve). Steve was adopted and spoke to his mother with vile spewing from his mouth each time they communicated. Eric has three mothers (1 biological and 2 step) and adores each one of them.
Yes when I was married to the lawyer we traveled and I enjoyed expensive things, but the beatings and the fear I had of him were a great price to pay for all that.
Now, life is alot simpler, and there is more love than I could have ever dreamed of. We are partners in crime lol. We know each other well and appreciate each other's differences. He's from the south Im from the north (rebel and a yankee). I thank God everyday for him. He's super suportive of my disease issues and works hard at keeping this family well fed and healthy. What more could a girl want?
Besides the usual things people look for, such as having things in common, personality traits ....does he drink, does he want kids, religious values, .... etc., my husband had to pass the family test and the friends test.
He had to get along with my family and not avoid anything that had to do with my family, and my family had to approve of him. Same with the friends. I had vowed to never again put another boyfriend above friends, so if he couldn't accept my friends, then he was the one who had to go.
Likewise, I wanted to be accepted by his family. Plus, the company a person keeps says alot about them, so I had to be able to approve of his friends. I wanted to be accepted by them too, so long as I approved ;).
I didn't want a guy who was more vain than me either! :D
He's put up with me for 11 years now!
My husband and I were set up (almost like Fiddler on the Roof style, but we called the shots and really dated). I knew some things about him and he knew things about me before we went out the first time. There were things on my check list that I thought would be deal breakers (like a college degree) but there were things far more important then that.
I agree that the way a guy relates to his mother (and sisters) is a telltale sign of how he will treat you. The car door is a good test. I went out with a guy who couldn't figure out how to unlock the car without turning it off and then he didn't even bother getting out to ring my doorbell and open the door for me, he just honked. That was a huge turnoff and I got the date to end rather early.
My now DH forgot money on our first date. He figured that he would be able to use his credit/debit card wherever we went. Luckily I had a $20 on me and was able to save him. His total embarrassment was totally admirable and very endearing. Two plus years later we are still joking about it.
Another bit of advise that someone gave me is that in addition to the list that you make with the traits of a date, make one for yourself to ensure that you are attractive to the other side as well. You need to make sure you are date-able.
Shana
Here are some dialouge from the movie A Bronx Tale to illustrate my question. For those who do not know the movie, a set up is necessary. A young man asks an older more experienced man on how to handle his first date with a young lady. Bear in mind that the setting is the 1950's and there were no electric locks back then to open car doors. Which is why this scenario will never work for me. LOL.
Sonny: Alright, listen to me. You pull up right where she lives, right? Before you get outta the car, you lock both doors. Then, get outta the car, you walk over to her. You bring her over to the car. Dig out the key, put it in the lock and open the door for her. Then you let her get in. Then you close the door. Then you walk around the back of the car and look through the rear window. If she doesn't reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in: dump her.
Calogero 'C' Anello: Just like that?
Sonny: Listen to me, kid. If she doesn't reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in, that means she's a selfish broad and all you're seeing is the tip of the iceberg. You dump her and you dump her fast.
Brilliant ain't it? What say you all?
Answers:
Hello. Saw this topic and thought it was very interesting, and something that every single person should think about very seriously.
I think that a person really ought to take a serious inventory of themselves and make a list of things (personality traits, education levels, hobbies even, lots of things) that are important to them. Then you should make up a list of things that you think are drop-dead deal breakers--things that the person you date must live up to to make it worthwhile to date them. This is what I did after my first marriage went down the toilet. I realized very early on in the marriage (like, during the honeymoon) that my husband did and said whatever he had to to get me to marry him, then when the ceremony was over and the papers were signed, his true, ugly, mean, hateful, selfish colors came out. So after he was gone from my life, I made a list of things that the next person I went out on a date with had to be or have.
WARNING: This next part just might offend a few people out there. It was never intended to offend anyone or hurt anyone's feelings. When I got divorced and went back out into the dating world, I had to make sure that I didn't get involved with anyone who was even remotely like my ex-husband. I was determined that I was not going to go through my life getting hurt and abused by men. I needed to find someone who was the complete opposite of him in every way.
This was my list of criteria, and I decided I wouldn't even go out on a date with a man if he didn't pass this test.
1. Must be a college graduate.
2. Must have no children.
3. Must never have been married.
4. Does NOT work in a factory.
5. Does not hunt.
6. If he's not interested in theater, he must at least be supportive.
7. Is not afraid of or hateful towards homosexuals; must accept them for who they are. (This was a huge deal to me, due to the fact that my best friends are gay, and my first husband made me give up all contact with them.)
8. Must be able to make me laugh.
9. Must dance a little, like at parties or weddings.
Several men asked me out after hearing I was getting divorced; I had to turn them all down because most of them worked at the factory I worked at, or they were married and had kids before. I knew it was going to be really hard to find somebody with that list of criteria because I was 32 years old. But then CJ came along. I met him when we were both doing a civic theater show. He was the first and only person to check off all nine things. I married him 4 1/2 years later, and we've been each other's biggest fans ever since.
The moral of this story is...Don't go out with just anyone who asks. It's best to know the character traits that are most important to you and seek out people who have them. Start making those lists, single people!!
Answers:
Sorry nomobties...looks like I am one heck of a thread killer. My apologies.
Answers:
hi mario,
good thread my friend. well in the case of polly. i knew right away that she was the one i was looking for my hole life. i could feel her though's aand feelings. for me it's not what they would do (it that makes any sense) but if i had any feelings for them after the first date.
hi peggy,
you no thread killer. :D
have a good day all
richard
Answers:
Hi Mario,
If you are looking for that woman who would "unlock the car door for you" and establish herself as a caring person, here is a tip that can apply in the modern world. Pay attention to how she treats service people. Is she rude to the waitress in the restaurant? Is she polite to the person who makes her Starbucks Coffee?
Someone in my family is terrible when we go out to eat. It's embarrassing to be with her. She treats her parents and her husband the same way. It has gotten so bad we avoid going anywhere with her. The kicker is, she says they are rude to her. She thinks it is necessary to get a jump on the nasty attitude in order to get decent service.
Good luck! Hope this helps.
Fay
Answers:
How they treat their families. This is a special warning for Women I have found. Pay close attention to the way he both talks to and about his mother. Guys with mommy issues can be deadly...most times those issues enter into the relationship really fast and he's unconscious that he's even doing it. I guess the same could apply to women with Daddy issues as well.
For me before I met Eric (we met online), I had always been involved with professionals...was already divorced from a lawyer. The experience taught me many many lessons. The most important one was that it didn't matter what a person did for a living that should attract me...it was how he treated me. Im proud to say Im married to a blue collar worker and even longer than I as married to the lawyer (Steve). Steve was adopted and spoke to his mother with vile spewing from his mouth each time they communicated. Eric has three mothers (1 biological and 2 step) and adores each one of them.
Yes when I was married to the lawyer we traveled and I enjoyed expensive things, but the beatings and the fear I had of him were a great price to pay for all that.
Now, life is alot simpler, and there is more love than I could have ever dreamed of. We are partners in crime lol. We know each other well and appreciate each other's differences. He's from the south Im from the north (rebel and a yankee). I thank God everyday for him. He's super suportive of my disease issues and works hard at keeping this family well fed and healthy. What more could a girl want?
Answers:
Besides the usual things people look for, such as having things in common, personality traits ....does he drink, does he want kids, religious values, .... etc., my husband had to pass the family test and the friends test.
He had to get along with my family and not avoid anything that had to do with my family, and my family had to approve of him. Same with the friends. I had vowed to never again put another boyfriend above friends, so if he couldn't accept my friends, then he was the one who had to go.
Likewise, I wanted to be accepted by his family. Plus, the company a person keeps says alot about them, so I had to be able to approve of his friends. I wanted to be accepted by them too, so long as I approved ;).
I didn't want a guy who was more vain than me either! :D
He's put up with me for 11 years now!
Answers:
My husband and I were set up (almost like Fiddler on the Roof style, but we called the shots and really dated). I knew some things about him and he knew things about me before we went out the first time. There were things on my check list that I thought would be deal breakers (like a college degree) but there were things far more important then that.
I agree that the way a guy relates to his mother (and sisters) is a telltale sign of how he will treat you. The car door is a good test. I went out with a guy who couldn't figure out how to unlock the car without turning it off and then he didn't even bother getting out to ring my doorbell and open the door for me, he just honked. That was a huge turnoff and I got the date to end rather early.
My now DH forgot money on our first date. He figured that he would be able to use his credit/debit card wherever we went. Luckily I had a $20 on me and was able to save him. His total embarrassment was totally admirable and very endearing. Two plus years later we are still joking about it.
Another bit of advise that someone gave me is that in addition to the list that you make with the traits of a date, make one for yourself to ensure that you are attractive to the other side as well. You need to make sure you are date-able.
Shana
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