Question:
Apologies if someone has asked a similar question, I did go back through many of the posts.
As a background, I had some sales training last week based on getting more clients for my holistic company. It was suggested that I might not want the success badly enough. After a lot of soul-searching I realised what it actually was, a fear that's been with me all my life: of getting things wrong. A teacher once told my mum at parents evening that the only criticism he had was that every time he asked a question to the class, my hand would only be half up, and he said he knew I would know the answer if he asked me, I was just scared of getting it wrong. Move on 20-odd years and one of my work appraisals threw up a similar issue: why did I ask a couple of colleagues about an issue when I knew the answer in the first place? My answer was that I wanted to have all in the info for the client, to make sure I was right. They said they wanted me to stand on my own two feet more, make mistakes even, rather than carry on like that.
So now I have my own business and I'm plodding. Right now I'd love to pick the phone up and make some sales calls, but the fear comes up: "What if I ask the wrong questions and scupper myself before I even start?" So my brain talks itself into not doing anything [:@]; that way I'll be safe, I won't make any mistakes if I don't take any action... at the same time as getting very depressed about business not picking up. [sm=banghead.gif]
I have downloaded the manual that everyone's mentioned but could anyone please recommend a specific dialogue I could use as I tap that would be effective? Or anything else you could suggest? Thank you so much in advance, I really want this behaviour to change.
Hi Red Bess,
Well, you could start with the overall problem and see what happens:
Even though I'm afraid/terrified/frightened (use your own description) of making a mistake, I deeply and completely accept myself
You may need to be more specific too... For example, the following are based on what you wrote in your post.
Even though I might ask the wrong questions and scupper myself before I start....
Even though I'm depressed at business not picking up....
Even though not doing things is safer than doing them....
Plus, if you know anything about how/when/from who you got this belief, it'd be helpful to tap on that. For example, I'm guessing here, but maybe it's something like:
Even though I felt humiliated when I got the answer wrong in class....
Even though everybody laughed when xxx ....
I hope this helps.
Have fun with EFT. It's very powerful and can sort out all sorts of serious stuff but it doesn't have to be solemn!
All the best
Jonathan
Hi Red Bess
Firstly, I would ask you about how you feel about those times that you want to make the sales calls and find yourself saying "what if I ask the wrong questions and scupper myself before I even start"
Then rate the feeling in intensity for you between 0-10 with ten being the highest.
If you feel frightened, then start your set up as follows; even though I am really frightened that I will ask the wrong questions and scupper myself before I even start, I deeply and completely accept myself.
If your word is scared, or nervous, or angry at myself, or embarrassed etc etc , just change the statement above by removing frightened and inserting the word that best describes the feeling to you.
Then I would follow what Jonathan has said by tapping on the first instance you noticed it, ie when you were at school etc.
Hope this helps.
Good luck and ask as much as you want to, we'd be glad to have the opportunity of answering your questions as they quite often help others too.
Hugs[sm=grouphug.gif]
Steve
Not an EFT answer but you could try this:
1) get a list of 10 quality business targets who could be potential clients
2) work out what to ask them
3) now choose 5 more that you consider not likely to get a sale (for whatever reason)
4) phone these 5 up and ask the questions, making a mental note of how they react to what you say
5) use this as the basis for calling the first 10 quality targets
Welcome to market research :D
Thank you so much, guys!
I shall set aside some tapping time every day, I think. And Darren, funnily enough I thought I'd start with exactly that idea.
[sm=grouphug.gif]Many thanks again, I shall keep you posted.
Hello again,
I have a bit of an update. I have no idea whether this is down to my hormones or not(!) but I've tapped on different statements, made a pitiful 2 sales calls (although the people I wanted weren't at their desks), and all the while my heart was banging wildly. I rang a pal who used to do telesales to help me with a script of sorts (we're sitting down together tomorrow), and then I almost burst into tears, because the whole thing made me so unhappy.
As I say, could be hormones, but I felt terrified still when I was picking up the phone - apart from that I never have a problem chatting on the phone. I tapped on the following:
-Even though I have this fear of getting things wrong...
-Even though I have this lack of confidence making sales calls...
-Even though I have this fear of making sales calls...
...And all the while I was tapping, it did feel like the fear was decreasing. It's so frustrating, and now I'm REALLY angry with myself for not making more calls and just pulling myself together. So, do I move on to, "Even though I still have some of this fear of getting things wrong...."? Or maybe get my other half to help me with some kinesiology when he gets in to see if I have my batteries in the wrong way? I'm at a loss - I suppose I was expecting this to work straight away - I was positive enough about it whilst doing the tapping.
Sorry about the dull tone to this, I really am quite down about it now [sm=sad2.gif]
Many thanks again,
Hi Red Bess
Well done for trying EFT. Persistence is one key to EFT. Another key to EFT is the setup.
Firstly you have to understand the emotion that you are connecting to at that specific moment and rate its severity. For example, even though you have a fear of getting things wrong, if the emotion you are experiencing at the time of tapping was frustration, then you're original setup statement would not have been effective.
So, ask yourself how you are feeling right now. Then tap for that specific emotion. Then you can deal with your fear of getting things wrong whilst making your telephone calls.
If you also have the fear that the EFT isn't working because you're doing something wrong then tap for that too.
Hope this helps.
Hugs[sm=grouphug.gif]
Steve
Hi Red,
If you work for yourself, am I right to assume that you can work in a room on your own?
If so, just pick up the phone while tapping all over and keep going with the calls while tapping all over. You don't have to use any setup or reminder phase, just keep going and keep tapping. This way, you should deal with the negative emotions as they arise without having to identify them. It doesn't replace the usual ways of doing EFT, but it's a great way to go further when you need it the most.
And may I just add to Steve's last post - Persistence, persistence, persistence, persistence....
.... persistence.... ;)
As a background, I had some sales training last week based on getting more clients for my holistic company. It was suggested that I might not want the success badly enough. After a lot of soul-searching I realised what it actually was, a fear that's been with me all my life: of getting things wrong. A teacher once told my mum at parents evening that the only criticism he had was that every time he asked a question to the class, my hand would only be half up, and he said he knew I would know the answer if he asked me, I was just scared of getting it wrong. Move on 20-odd years and one of my work appraisals threw up a similar issue: why did I ask a couple of colleagues about an issue when I knew the answer in the first place? My answer was that I wanted to have all in the info for the client, to make sure I was right. They said they wanted me to stand on my own two feet more, make mistakes even, rather than carry on like that.
So now I have my own business and I'm plodding. Right now I'd love to pick the phone up and make some sales calls, but the fear comes up: "What if I ask the wrong questions and scupper myself before I even start?" So my brain talks itself into not doing anything [:@]; that way I'll be safe, I won't make any mistakes if I don't take any action... at the same time as getting very depressed about business not picking up. [sm=banghead.gif]
I have downloaded the manual that everyone's mentioned but could anyone please recommend a specific dialogue I could use as I tap that would be effective? Or anything else you could suggest? Thank you so much in advance, I really want this behaviour to change.
Answers:
Hi Red Bess,
Well, you could start with the overall problem and see what happens:
Even though I'm afraid/terrified/frightened (use your own description) of making a mistake, I deeply and completely accept myself
You may need to be more specific too... For example, the following are based on what you wrote in your post.
Even though I might ask the wrong questions and scupper myself before I start....
Even though I'm depressed at business not picking up....
Even though not doing things is safer than doing them....
Plus, if you know anything about how/when/from who you got this belief, it'd be helpful to tap on that. For example, I'm guessing here, but maybe it's something like:
Even though I felt humiliated when I got the answer wrong in class....
Even though everybody laughed when xxx ....
I hope this helps.
Have fun with EFT. It's very powerful and can sort out all sorts of serious stuff but it doesn't have to be solemn!
All the best
Jonathan
Answers:
Hi Red Bess
Firstly, I would ask you about how you feel about those times that you want to make the sales calls and find yourself saying "what if I ask the wrong questions and scupper myself before I even start"
Then rate the feeling in intensity for you between 0-10 with ten being the highest.
If you feel frightened, then start your set up as follows; even though I am really frightened that I will ask the wrong questions and scupper myself before I even start, I deeply and completely accept myself.
If your word is scared, or nervous, or angry at myself, or embarrassed etc etc , just change the statement above by removing frightened and inserting the word that best describes the feeling to you.
Then I would follow what Jonathan has said by tapping on the first instance you noticed it, ie when you were at school etc.
Hope this helps.
Good luck and ask as much as you want to, we'd be glad to have the opportunity of answering your questions as they quite often help others too.
Hugs[sm=grouphug.gif]
Steve
Answers:
Not an EFT answer but you could try this:
1) get a list of 10 quality business targets who could be potential clients
2) work out what to ask them
3) now choose 5 more that you consider not likely to get a sale (for whatever reason)
4) phone these 5 up and ask the questions, making a mental note of how they react to what you say
5) use this as the basis for calling the first 10 quality targets
Welcome to market research :D
Answers:
Thank you so much, guys!
I shall set aside some tapping time every day, I think. And Darren, funnily enough I thought I'd start with exactly that idea.
[sm=grouphug.gif]Many thanks again, I shall keep you posted.
Answers:
Hello again,
I have a bit of an update. I have no idea whether this is down to my hormones or not(!) but I've tapped on different statements, made a pitiful 2 sales calls (although the people I wanted weren't at their desks), and all the while my heart was banging wildly. I rang a pal who used to do telesales to help me with a script of sorts (we're sitting down together tomorrow), and then I almost burst into tears, because the whole thing made me so unhappy.
As I say, could be hormones, but I felt terrified still when I was picking up the phone - apart from that I never have a problem chatting on the phone. I tapped on the following:
-Even though I have this fear of getting things wrong...
-Even though I have this lack of confidence making sales calls...
-Even though I have this fear of making sales calls...
...And all the while I was tapping, it did feel like the fear was decreasing. It's so frustrating, and now I'm REALLY angry with myself for not making more calls and just pulling myself together. So, do I move on to, "Even though I still have some of this fear of getting things wrong...."? Or maybe get my other half to help me with some kinesiology when he gets in to see if I have my batteries in the wrong way? I'm at a loss - I suppose I was expecting this to work straight away - I was positive enough about it whilst doing the tapping.
Sorry about the dull tone to this, I really am quite down about it now [sm=sad2.gif]
Many thanks again,
Answers:
Hi Red Bess
Well done for trying EFT. Persistence is one key to EFT. Another key to EFT is the setup.
Firstly you have to understand the emotion that you are connecting to at that specific moment and rate its severity. For example, even though you have a fear of getting things wrong, if the emotion you are experiencing at the time of tapping was frustration, then you're original setup statement would not have been effective.
So, ask yourself how you are feeling right now. Then tap for that specific emotion. Then you can deal with your fear of getting things wrong whilst making your telephone calls.
If you also have the fear that the EFT isn't working because you're doing something wrong then tap for that too.
Hope this helps.
Hugs[sm=grouphug.gif]
Steve
Answers:
Hi Red,
If you work for yourself, am I right to assume that you can work in a room on your own?
If so, just pick up the phone while tapping all over and keep going with the calls while tapping all over. You don't have to use any setup or reminder phase, just keep going and keep tapping. This way, you should deal with the negative emotions as they arise without having to identify them. It doesn't replace the usual ways of doing EFT, but it's a great way to go further when you need it the most.
And may I just add to Steve's last post - Persistence, persistence, persistence, persistence....
.... persistence.... ;)
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