Question:
Hi,
My youngest daughter has an obsessive fear of fireworks and balloons although she can tolerate other loud noises. I believe it is the shock factor (past life fear) of the noises rather than just their volume. Her ears were tested at birth with no abnormalities found.
I have been told not to avoid balloons/fireworks in the hope that she will get used to them. We managed to pop some deflated balloons the other day and she now will actually play gently with them so we are getting somewhere.
Unfortunately, the dreaded firework season is approaching and we recently went to the Major's display in London but the poor thing just shut her eyes, covered her ears and sobbed the whole time.
It's a shame because the rest of the family love fireworks.
Grateful for any advice.
C
Hi Carnelian,
I would get her to an EFT practitioner very soon; you can find the nearest to you on www.emofree.com
If you need any help with this, please feel free to PM me :)
I support Suzanne with her suggestion of EFT or TFT THought Field Therapy - http://www.thoughtfieldtherapy.co.uk/ - may be another possibility.
I don't know enough about either to know the difference between the two, but I would say that building up exposure over time will help her to override the underlying fear, but is unlikely to actually clear the cause. EFT or TFT is more likely to address that underlying fear IMO. ;)
Good Luck - Andrew.
Thanks for your replies.
I will look into it further.
C
Hi C,
You can also try hypnotherapy. You can get a professional therapist from www.hypnotherapists.com which is the NCH.
Jude
should be www.hypnotherapists.org - sorry!
Hi,
As far as I understand it, the biggest difference using EFT as opposed to TFT is that a child can easily and quickly learn it and go along with the treatment. Also it is very easy for parents to apply.
I could be wrong, but I don't think hypnotherapists tend to treat anyone under 16 or 18 YOA.
It may be do-able with parent present, dunno!
Andrew.
The posts about your 4 year old with fear of fireworks are helpful. There are a few possible ways to help. When the problem is severe it is important to get assistance from someone with a lot of experience of working with young children. The standard treatments for 'phobias' (and it might not be as simple as that) used to be forms of behaviour therapy (CBT can assist older sufferers). Generally a gentle slow method would be used for children called desesitisation where small noises are got used to then progressively louder ones. Flooding = exposing a child to a lot of noise would not be a first choice although theoretically it should work. The EFT type of therapies I understand should be very helpful but you should 'see' them at work. That means if your child is distressed, they are not yet workingt.
A good therapist would look at all areas where your child felt fear or insecurity. It might be that you would have to do 'homework' and increase the consistency at home so that life became very much more predictable. Simple things like always meaning what you say, and not allowing difficult behaviour (without showing anger) and getting to bed at a regular time would be examples of this. When other things are in place, children respond better with greater confidence to othe changes.
Finally, there is a new therapy for PTSD that is also useful for phobias and severe anxiety. It must though be carried out by a skilled therapist and it should be available on the NHS but you will have to push to find out where you would find an appropriate therapist from your family doctor. The therapy is called EMDR and although there is controversy in the writings on the net, it is a very powerful treatment if done properly by fully experienced and skilled child therapists.
Good luck!
Hi all
Could I ask? Don't know if anyone can help me on this...
Why/ what do you think causes young ones to be fearful of bangs and loud pops?
I know lots might say past life but I'm one of the very few who's doubtful of pastlifes (only wrote that in case folk answered with past-life answers , no offence meant) just wondered what caused it in the here and now?
I went to a Firework party and LOADS of the kids ( they where all 4-5 it was a party thrown by someone in my girls class) where quite scared. My two where ok but lots stayed inside and those who stayed outside who where being encouraged by their parents to be brave where tearful.
Is it due to the fact of the unexpected?Kids generally have/like/need a routine where they know what's what/ have boundaries/feel safe, is it this?that it's just it's unexpected? just intrests me really and I wondered if anyone could shed some light.
Much Love
Sharon
Hi Sharon,
I was recently reading an article (can't remember where unfortunately) which said that there are only two "hard wired" fears that we are born with - heights and loud noises, so I guess fireworks comes with that.
Incidentally, my son used to be terrified of fireworks (running away screaming) when he was 3 or 4, but he simply grew out of it with no therapeutic interventions and now, at 12, wants to light them all and cannot get enough!!!!
All the best
Jonathan
PS EFT can work brilliantly with very young children, and mum or dad could do it rather than a practitioner, or even do it by proxy on themselves
I've had TFT from a therapist at work and it is the same to me as EFT. I can't see a difference?[&:]
In reply to all not just Suzanne. Mine mine were scared of them at organised events when very little, to the point that we had to take them to a room away from it all. They grew out of it.
Hope that helps.
Hi Jonathan
Thanks for the info, it makes sense too. I just wish I'd have known this on the night. I felt sorry for the mums who had the dads saying...goodness sake, it's only a firework, you've spoilt them, what's wrong with them. Will see the mums at hometime and will fil them in, thanks for the info
My two grew out of it too, they will be 5 on the 27th.
;)
Why do we become afraid of loud bangs? Are there two hard-wired fears? Thanks for asking and for the kind comments. I’ll take the second question first… but quickly follow with the second as they are linked. I doubt there are two hard-wired fears and this is not always a useful way of viewing them because it ‘seems’ you can’t fix something that is hard-wired. Most fears are at least controllable if not ‘curable’ with the right approach for the person. Having said that – little children have great capacity to be afraid and cry for mum, this is a survival thing. In contrast, they have few ways to calm down unless mum ‘models’ not being afraid or comforts the child. We are programmed to fear easily for survival but have to learn to cope with it.
There are several ways we might develop a fear. Sometimes it seems there is no predisposing factor. That is, you might have a spider phobic who has had no pervious encounter with a spider or a dental phobic who has never been to the dentist. Certainly pain makes us afraid and sudden movement can be threatening and really scary so some responses might be hard-wired. However, if your mum is agoraphobic and you become agoraphobic, it does not mean it is genetic or hard-wired because you can learn fear from others. Of course we all understand the most obvious learned fears where we have a bad encounter and become more afraid with time. Even if we don’t re-expose ourselves to the ‘danger’ it seems to incubate and get worse over time. Other possibilities are that we have a fearful event (perhaps a dog barking and the dog has a red collar) which we totally forget about. We might have another event five years later that is nothing like the first event, say a car crash that makes us really freak-out. It is possible that when we get out of the car we see a red car or blood and our brain immediately connects the ‘red’ with the dog collar ‘red’ sub-consciously so that we don’t realise but our anxiety levels go through the roof. Many accidents have connecting themes and if these are not external (like the colour red) then they can be internal like a feeling of being ‘trapped’ (by the dog or the car or in an argument with the boss). So these themes trigger our anxieties which accumulate over time. Our safety mechanisms put us into panic mode (fight flight or freeze) to save our lives in an emergency and once activated, this tends to kick in any time we are under threat. So we can have really big reactions to small things once we have had a problem with either a number of smaller scares or a phobia (or like PTSD post traumatic stress disorder for near death experiences). I am not saying that any of the other examples are PTSD but after such a very big shock, small things can trigger the return of all the reactions of a big shock. Several therapies can assist when the shock is severe (anything form earthquakes, explosions, rape and serious threat to repeated domestic violence) such as CBT, EMDR (treatment of choice for PTSD) but just talking about it does not cure the problem and often just reactivates the fear. I hope this helps.
Philip
Hi Philip,
I guess 'hard wired' was a poor choice of expression. What the article I was quoting meant (i think) was that loud noises and falling from a height are two things that it appears babies are distressed by from birth. Other fears, in general, are "learned" later. In most cases, we also learn to graduate our fears of noises and heights too so that they no longer cause us day-to-day upset unless extreme.
All the best
Jonathan
Hi
My daughter is a healthy happy 12/13 year old ...its new years eve and i am reminder again that she is terrified of fireworks - the noise - not the vision - i would appreciate some incite.
Mark
vip@camerasdirect.com.au
My youngest daughter has an obsessive fear of fireworks and balloons although she can tolerate other loud noises. I believe it is the shock factor (past life fear) of the noises rather than just their volume. Her ears were tested at birth with no abnormalities found.
I have been told not to avoid balloons/fireworks in the hope that she will get used to them. We managed to pop some deflated balloons the other day and she now will actually play gently with them so we are getting somewhere.
Unfortunately, the dreaded firework season is approaching and we recently went to the Major's display in London but the poor thing just shut her eyes, covered her ears and sobbed the whole time.
It's a shame because the rest of the family love fireworks.
Grateful for any advice.
C
Answers:
Hi Carnelian,
I would get her to an EFT practitioner very soon; you can find the nearest to you on www.emofree.com
If you need any help with this, please feel free to PM me :)
Answers:
I support Suzanne with her suggestion of EFT or TFT THought Field Therapy - http://www.thoughtfieldtherapy.co.uk/ - may be another possibility.
I don't know enough about either to know the difference between the two, but I would say that building up exposure over time will help her to override the underlying fear, but is unlikely to actually clear the cause. EFT or TFT is more likely to address that underlying fear IMO. ;)
Good Luck - Andrew.
Answers:
Thanks for your replies.
I will look into it further.
C
Answers:
Hi C,
You can also try hypnotherapy. You can get a professional therapist from www.hypnotherapists.com which is the NCH.
Jude
Answers:
should be www.hypnotherapists.org - sorry!
Answers:
Hi,
As far as I understand it, the biggest difference using EFT as opposed to TFT is that a child can easily and quickly learn it and go along with the treatment. Also it is very easy for parents to apply.
Answers:
I could be wrong, but I don't think hypnotherapists tend to treat anyone under 16 or 18 YOA.
It may be do-able with parent present, dunno!
Andrew.
Answers:
The posts about your 4 year old with fear of fireworks are helpful. There are a few possible ways to help. When the problem is severe it is important to get assistance from someone with a lot of experience of working with young children. The standard treatments for 'phobias' (and it might not be as simple as that) used to be forms of behaviour therapy (CBT can assist older sufferers). Generally a gentle slow method would be used for children called desesitisation where small noises are got used to then progressively louder ones. Flooding = exposing a child to a lot of noise would not be a first choice although theoretically it should work. The EFT type of therapies I understand should be very helpful but you should 'see' them at work. That means if your child is distressed, they are not yet workingt.
A good therapist would look at all areas where your child felt fear or insecurity. It might be that you would have to do 'homework' and increase the consistency at home so that life became very much more predictable. Simple things like always meaning what you say, and not allowing difficult behaviour (without showing anger) and getting to bed at a regular time would be examples of this. When other things are in place, children respond better with greater confidence to othe changes.
Finally, there is a new therapy for PTSD that is also useful for phobias and severe anxiety. It must though be carried out by a skilled therapist and it should be available on the NHS but you will have to push to find out where you would find an appropriate therapist from your family doctor. The therapy is called EMDR and although there is controversy in the writings on the net, it is a very powerful treatment if done properly by fully experienced and skilled child therapists.
Good luck!
Answers:
Hi all
Could I ask? Don't know if anyone can help me on this...
Why/ what do you think causes young ones to be fearful of bangs and loud pops?
I know lots might say past life but I'm one of the very few who's doubtful of pastlifes (only wrote that in case folk answered with past-life answers , no offence meant) just wondered what caused it in the here and now?
I went to a Firework party and LOADS of the kids ( they where all 4-5 it was a party thrown by someone in my girls class) where quite scared. My two where ok but lots stayed inside and those who stayed outside who where being encouraged by their parents to be brave where tearful.
Is it due to the fact of the unexpected?Kids generally have/like/need a routine where they know what's what/ have boundaries/feel safe, is it this?that it's just it's unexpected? just intrests me really and I wondered if anyone could shed some light.
Much Love
Sharon
Answers:
Hi Sharon,
I was recently reading an article (can't remember where unfortunately) which said that there are only two "hard wired" fears that we are born with - heights and loud noises, so I guess fireworks comes with that.
Incidentally, my son used to be terrified of fireworks (running away screaming) when he was 3 or 4, but he simply grew out of it with no therapeutic interventions and now, at 12, wants to light them all and cannot get enough!!!!
All the best
Jonathan
PS EFT can work brilliantly with very young children, and mum or dad could do it rather than a practitioner, or even do it by proxy on themselves
Answers:
I've had TFT from a therapist at work and it is the same to me as EFT. I can't see a difference?[&:]
In reply to all not just Suzanne. Mine mine were scared of them at organised events when very little, to the point that we had to take them to a room away from it all. They grew out of it.
Hope that helps.
Answers:
Hi Jonathan
Thanks for the info, it makes sense too. I just wish I'd have known this on the night. I felt sorry for the mums who had the dads saying...goodness sake, it's only a firework, you've spoilt them, what's wrong with them. Will see the mums at hometime and will fil them in, thanks for the info
My two grew out of it too, they will be 5 on the 27th.
;)
Answers:
Why do we become afraid of loud bangs? Are there two hard-wired fears? Thanks for asking and for the kind comments. I’ll take the second question first… but quickly follow with the second as they are linked. I doubt there are two hard-wired fears and this is not always a useful way of viewing them because it ‘seems’ you can’t fix something that is hard-wired. Most fears are at least controllable if not ‘curable’ with the right approach for the person. Having said that – little children have great capacity to be afraid and cry for mum, this is a survival thing. In contrast, they have few ways to calm down unless mum ‘models’ not being afraid or comforts the child. We are programmed to fear easily for survival but have to learn to cope with it.
There are several ways we might develop a fear. Sometimes it seems there is no predisposing factor. That is, you might have a spider phobic who has had no pervious encounter with a spider or a dental phobic who has never been to the dentist. Certainly pain makes us afraid and sudden movement can be threatening and really scary so some responses might be hard-wired. However, if your mum is agoraphobic and you become agoraphobic, it does not mean it is genetic or hard-wired because you can learn fear from others. Of course we all understand the most obvious learned fears where we have a bad encounter and become more afraid with time. Even if we don’t re-expose ourselves to the ‘danger’ it seems to incubate and get worse over time. Other possibilities are that we have a fearful event (perhaps a dog barking and the dog has a red collar) which we totally forget about. We might have another event five years later that is nothing like the first event, say a car crash that makes us really freak-out. It is possible that when we get out of the car we see a red car or blood and our brain immediately connects the ‘red’ with the dog collar ‘red’ sub-consciously so that we don’t realise but our anxiety levels go through the roof. Many accidents have connecting themes and if these are not external (like the colour red) then they can be internal like a feeling of being ‘trapped’ (by the dog or the car or in an argument with the boss). So these themes trigger our anxieties which accumulate over time. Our safety mechanisms put us into panic mode (fight flight or freeze) to save our lives in an emergency and once activated, this tends to kick in any time we are under threat. So we can have really big reactions to small things once we have had a problem with either a number of smaller scares or a phobia (or like PTSD post traumatic stress disorder for near death experiences). I am not saying that any of the other examples are PTSD but after such a very big shock, small things can trigger the return of all the reactions of a big shock. Several therapies can assist when the shock is severe (anything form earthquakes, explosions, rape and serious threat to repeated domestic violence) such as CBT, EMDR (treatment of choice for PTSD) but just talking about it does not cure the problem and often just reactivates the fear. I hope this helps.
Philip
Answers:
Hi Philip,
I guess 'hard wired' was a poor choice of expression. What the article I was quoting meant (i think) was that loud noises and falling from a height are two things that it appears babies are distressed by from birth. Other fears, in general, are "learned" later. In most cases, we also learn to graduate our fears of noises and heights too so that they no longer cause us day-to-day upset unless extreme.
All the best
Jonathan
Answers:
Hi
My daughter is a healthy happy 12/13 year old ...its new years eve and i am reminder again that she is terrified of fireworks - the noise - not the vision - i would appreciate some incite.
Mark
vip@camerasdirect.com.au
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