Question:
hi everyone...
i have just come out of a big relationship and am having a really hard time getting through it...
basically i'm feeling depressed, negative and like i just don't even want to get out of bed in the morning. my work is suffering and i just want to get over this.
i've tried doing EFT a couple of times, but the effects seem only temporary. i tapped for "even though i feel negative" and "even though i'm feeling too depressed to work" while at work last night... i felt a bit better but only literally for half an hour.
basically, i am wondering if i am not getting the results i want because i am tapping on the wrong things. i find it really hard to identify how i feel and then "tune in" to them. i know it sounds stupid but does anyone have any tips on actually figuring out the things that you need to tap on?
i just want to get over this relationship and find my own space again, and be ok on my own, and i know EFT can help, but for some reason i can't seem to get the energy together to do it, or anything else for that matter![&:]
please help! any suggestions would be appreciated.
love and light
sarah
xxxx
You may be tapping on things which are just too general.. ask yourself why are you depressed at work, is someone in particular causing you to feel this, orhas a specific incident caused this feeling.. what is the exact feeling you get when you think of work, what are the symptoms?
If you are struggling, you might benefit from a session with an EFT practitioner, or if you have a friend you can trust he or she may be able to talk through things with you and help you identify things to work on.. but remember to use your own words and beliefs.. you will get best results that way.
I often find that working on the emotions connected to very specific events is the most effective way to get results.. and to work on the events themselves.
You might also want to read over your post and work on that a little, you're doubting your own ability to use the tool.. you know how to use it.. just not quite hit the spot.. with something as complex as a relationship breakup you may need to work on a number of very deep issues indeed, and as the sud ratings for each individual component break down, other emotions will seem to crop up and seem very important.. this is completely normal, it doesn't mean it's not working, it means you're breaking the walls down bit by bit and the more you work on it, the closer you will be to getting over this.
I know you're keen to resolve things, but you may also find that working 15 minutes at a time will help you, you wont get too into things and it will teach you to switch on and off to the emotions more readily. If you have any intensity, go work on the feelings then and there, take yourself off somewhere private, even for two minutes.. and it may provde enough to make you feel much stronger and readily able to cope.
Good luck with the eft and keep us posted.. feel free to ask me any other questions you may have.
Hi Feathers
I too have been using EFT to deal with the ending of a relationship (in fact, all the old ones too) and have had similar problems to yourself. Sometimes I find it so difficult to identify a single feeling or emotion, there seem too many at any one time. After tapping for the more obvious ones it did then seem to uncover things like 'feel foolish for not acting on my intuition' but then I would feel angry and confused again. I try to tap a couple of times a week, maybe that's not often enough. I also have problems deciding on whether its a 10 or 8 or whatever, before and afterwards. This has been easier to do on anxiety and phobias though.
As Gussie says a relationship breakup is a complex matter and this is probably why it has been so difficult to do. I can't afford to go to a practitioner so will continue treating myself although I get impatient and want to get rid of all those feelings and thoughts I don't want any more. Looks like that's another one now then, 'even though I feel impatient with this ...' It seems like there are so many it will go on forever!
Anyway, I hope you start to feel a bit better soon. The lack of energy and enthusiasm that you are feeling is probably all part of your readjustment to your new life. I know it can be disheartening but you will gradually feel lighter as you break away from your old life. You have the opportunity now to put energy and life into the areas you may have been neglecting and this can only be a good thing.
Sandra
x
HI Feathers - try tapping on what comes up.
"I can't get in tune with my feelings"
And "Even though I feel completely overwhelmed"
As an EFT practitioner, I would mind map the situation for my client, and work out from the basic problem. It would probably help to to put "Relationship breakdown" as your central subject, and then work on aspects that come from that - for instance "feeling let-down", "feeling unsupported", "feeling heart-broken", and specific events that play on your mind. You may need a big piece of paper.
In the meantime take care of yourself nutrionally. At times of stress we often ignore factors like nutrition and exercise, which helps with stress release adn delivers natural endorphins. If you don't feel like doing it then tap on that - you'll find your attitude changes. Underneath these disturbances your body and soul want to be healthy - it's a question of stripping the negative layers away.
Sharonx
Hi Feathers
I always try "even tho I'm scared" first as this can calm an awful lot very quickly and I've found that it often clears a pathway to other things.
MA
Hi Sarah,
People get hung up about identifying feelings, thinking that it means "anger" or "fear" etc. Try identifying incidents, and when you think about the incicident, all the specific feelings will be there without the need to identify exactly what they are made up of. The feelings are the way you felt when the incident happened. Incidents to tap on are typically:
The time you split;
The time you saw signs that not all was right;
Incidents that spring to mind when you are tapping on the above incidents.
I hope this helps [&:]
Hi Feathers
How are you getting on now? Have you progressed at all?
Hope you are feeling a bit better, if not remember the tapping, it really does help.
As others have already said, think about the incidents that started this all for you and phrase accordingly.
Example: "Even though 'X' left me and Icant stand the thought of them being with someone else, I deeply and completelyaccept myself"
We are here if you need us.
Love n hugs[sm=grouphug.gif]
Steve
Sorry, I only just caught this thread.
Sandra, if you are still having trouble with SUDs then give everything a 10! The purpose of SUDs is to guage if there is any change after a round of tapping. The actual number is not important it is just a way of measuring a reduction (hopefully) or changein intensity.
Love Sarah
xxx
hi everyone.. and thank you for all your great advice...
have had some progress... was finding it difficult on my own so i went up to my reiki master's today and we did some TAT and some EFT...
a lot of the issues that were coming up were about my own guilt and self blame for things not working out, which i seem to have cleared out... feeling pretty calm about things now, just hope that it lasts!
another thing that came up was to do with my ex before him, who i suppose i never really got over before i got involved in another relationship. so i ended up tapping for one particular event and got pretty upset.. think it's sorted now though although there is a lot left to work on. i am going for another session maybe next week.
am also going to keep tapping on issues or feelings as they come up.
thank you again for all your help...
xx sarah xx
i have just come out of a big relationship and am having a really hard time getting through it...
basically i'm feeling depressed, negative and like i just don't even want to get out of bed in the morning. my work is suffering and i just want to get over this.
i've tried doing EFT a couple of times, but the effects seem only temporary. i tapped for "even though i feel negative" and "even though i'm feeling too depressed to work" while at work last night... i felt a bit better but only literally for half an hour.
basically, i am wondering if i am not getting the results i want because i am tapping on the wrong things. i find it really hard to identify how i feel and then "tune in" to them. i know it sounds stupid but does anyone have any tips on actually figuring out the things that you need to tap on?
i just want to get over this relationship and find my own space again, and be ok on my own, and i know EFT can help, but for some reason i can't seem to get the energy together to do it, or anything else for that matter![&:]
please help! any suggestions would be appreciated.
love and light
sarah
xxxx
Answers:
You may be tapping on things which are just too general.. ask yourself why are you depressed at work, is someone in particular causing you to feel this, orhas a specific incident caused this feeling.. what is the exact feeling you get when you think of work, what are the symptoms?
If you are struggling, you might benefit from a session with an EFT practitioner, or if you have a friend you can trust he or she may be able to talk through things with you and help you identify things to work on.. but remember to use your own words and beliefs.. you will get best results that way.
I often find that working on the emotions connected to very specific events is the most effective way to get results.. and to work on the events themselves.
You might also want to read over your post and work on that a little, you're doubting your own ability to use the tool.. you know how to use it.. just not quite hit the spot.. with something as complex as a relationship breakup you may need to work on a number of very deep issues indeed, and as the sud ratings for each individual component break down, other emotions will seem to crop up and seem very important.. this is completely normal, it doesn't mean it's not working, it means you're breaking the walls down bit by bit and the more you work on it, the closer you will be to getting over this.
I know you're keen to resolve things, but you may also find that working 15 minutes at a time will help you, you wont get too into things and it will teach you to switch on and off to the emotions more readily. If you have any intensity, go work on the feelings then and there, take yourself off somewhere private, even for two minutes.. and it may provde enough to make you feel much stronger and readily able to cope.
Good luck with the eft and keep us posted.. feel free to ask me any other questions you may have.
Answers:
Hi Feathers
I too have been using EFT to deal with the ending of a relationship (in fact, all the old ones too) and have had similar problems to yourself. Sometimes I find it so difficult to identify a single feeling or emotion, there seem too many at any one time. After tapping for the more obvious ones it did then seem to uncover things like 'feel foolish for not acting on my intuition' but then I would feel angry and confused again. I try to tap a couple of times a week, maybe that's not often enough. I also have problems deciding on whether its a 10 or 8 or whatever, before and afterwards. This has been easier to do on anxiety and phobias though.
As Gussie says a relationship breakup is a complex matter and this is probably why it has been so difficult to do. I can't afford to go to a practitioner so will continue treating myself although I get impatient and want to get rid of all those feelings and thoughts I don't want any more. Looks like that's another one now then, 'even though I feel impatient with this ...' It seems like there are so many it will go on forever!
Anyway, I hope you start to feel a bit better soon. The lack of energy and enthusiasm that you are feeling is probably all part of your readjustment to your new life. I know it can be disheartening but you will gradually feel lighter as you break away from your old life. You have the opportunity now to put energy and life into the areas you may have been neglecting and this can only be a good thing.
Sandra
x
Answers:
HI Feathers - try tapping on what comes up.
"I can't get in tune with my feelings"
And "Even though I feel completely overwhelmed"
As an EFT practitioner, I would mind map the situation for my client, and work out from the basic problem. It would probably help to to put "Relationship breakdown" as your central subject, and then work on aspects that come from that - for instance "feeling let-down", "feeling unsupported", "feeling heart-broken", and specific events that play on your mind. You may need a big piece of paper.
In the meantime take care of yourself nutrionally. At times of stress we often ignore factors like nutrition and exercise, which helps with stress release adn delivers natural endorphins. If you don't feel like doing it then tap on that - you'll find your attitude changes. Underneath these disturbances your body and soul want to be healthy - it's a question of stripping the negative layers away.
Sharonx
Answers:
Hi Feathers
I always try "even tho I'm scared" first as this can calm an awful lot very quickly and I've found that it often clears a pathway to other things.
MA
Answers:
Hi Sarah,
People get hung up about identifying feelings, thinking that it means "anger" or "fear" etc. Try identifying incidents, and when you think about the incicident, all the specific feelings will be there without the need to identify exactly what they are made up of. The feelings are the way you felt when the incident happened. Incidents to tap on are typically:
The time you split;
The time you saw signs that not all was right;
Incidents that spring to mind when you are tapping on the above incidents.
I hope this helps [&:]
Answers:
Hi Feathers
How are you getting on now? Have you progressed at all?
Hope you are feeling a bit better, if not remember the tapping, it really does help.
As others have already said, think about the incidents that started this all for you and phrase accordingly.
Example: "Even though 'X' left me and Icant stand the thought of them being with someone else, I deeply and completelyaccept myself"
We are here if you need us.
Love n hugs[sm=grouphug.gif]
Steve
Answers:
Sorry, I only just caught this thread.
Sandra, if you are still having trouble with SUDs then give everything a 10! The purpose of SUDs is to guage if there is any change after a round of tapping. The actual number is not important it is just a way of measuring a reduction (hopefully) or changein intensity.
Love Sarah
xxx
Answers:
hi everyone.. and thank you for all your great advice...
have had some progress... was finding it difficult on my own so i went up to my reiki master's today and we did some TAT and some EFT...
a lot of the issues that were coming up were about my own guilt and self blame for things not working out, which i seem to have cleared out... feeling pretty calm about things now, just hope that it lasts!
another thing that came up was to do with my ex before him, who i suppose i never really got over before i got involved in another relationship. so i ended up tapping for one particular event and got pretty upset.. think it's sorted now though although there is a lot left to work on. i am going for another session maybe next week.
am also going to keep tapping on issues or feelings as they come up.
thank you again for all your help...
xx sarah xx
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