Question:
My friend just told me she is thining of leaving her husband. I'm feeling very upset about it. They are both my friends and I want them to be happy. There is not one big thing wrong with the relationship, but a series of little niggles and bickering that has destroyed their intimacy and respect for each other. My friend blames her husband for everything that is wrong with the relationship but even though I love her dearly I can see that it is 50/50 on both sides. If she was a client I would be much more challenging with her, but I feel uncomfortable being like this to a friend. I've advised strongly that they go to Relate but she isn't sure she wants to sort it out. In addition they are both guests of honour at my wedding next week. I'm finding it hard to talk to someone about divorce when I'm finalising the details of my own wedding.
At the moment I am EFTing myself because I want to rush in and save the day.
Even though I feel the need to save their relationship...
Even though I want to tell them exactly how to fix it...
Even though I find it hard to give my honest opinion in this situation...
Even though I am taking this break up personally...
I've talked to my friend about using EFT to quell upsets before - but she doesn't seem very interested. Part of me wants to insist she tries it at least once, and part of me wants to respect her privacy not do do something she doesn't want to do. What would you do here, would you push it or not?
Dear Shooting Star - it's Your Wedding next week. At the moment Your friend is not interested in sorting her relationship out. You've tried but can't change that - maybe your words will have sunk in in the background. Unless they are very unreasonable people they will behave themselves on the day, and the words of the ceremony and the two of you taking your vows may well re-awake something in their souls. In the meantime - concentrate on your future with your partner. Tap by all means on your worries - but don't "push" her - now's not the time. Now is the time for you and your partner.
Have a lovely, happy wedding, and may nothing come in the way to make it anything else.
Best wishes,
Sharonxxxx
Shooting Star, I can understand your need to help out your friend and support her at this time, but ultimately noone knows what goes on behind closed doors but those involved. Noone but those involved can resolve this but you can be there for her and supportive of any decision she makes.
If you want to help her and think EFT is the answer, help her to accept things whatever the outcome, if they are unable to resolve things and move on she will need help to gain her confidence and to make that move.
You cannot make someone take EFT, you can't make them believe it can work, you can't make the time right for them to have it, and some things you have to resolve in your own way, even if the others can see there is a 'better way' - the only way is the way that person can manage at the time to get through things.
Perhaps you are as you say finding it hard cause of your own wedding, cause you don't want to believe a couple as strong as your friend and her husband can go sour, noone wants things to not work out.. your relationship and hers isn't the same, focus on your own, your friend will not want you worrying, she will want you happy too.
My advice, if it's not out of place is step back, let them work through it, let them come to you when they need in the capacity they need.. you can do no more than simply be a friend.
Hi all,
I'm posting an update on what happened with my friend. I didn't end up using EFT with my friend about the situation but we had a long conversation where I used a lot of coaching to help her identify the problems and help her through the mass of confused feelings she was having. Her husband also had a long chat with my husband to be. I wasn't sure if any of this was having any effect whatsoever but the EFT I was doing on myself helped me stay calm about the situation and be more objective in the support I was giving (rather than rushing in to save the day!).
To cut a long story short my friends are a lot happier and are now finding ways together to make their relationship work. We had a barbeque just before our wedding and I was just putting out some rubbish and they were kissing outside the back door like a couple of teenagers. It was lovely to see.
Also EFT helped me prepare for my own wedding. I was worried that I was going to cry so much that I wouldn't be able to say my vows, even just hearing my entrance music before the day set me off. (2 years ago when I was bridesmaid I was a tearful wreck and it wasn't even me getting married that day!)
I did some tapping whilst listening to my entrance music and also my first dance music sometimes using set up statements but not always. I also tapped on my conerns that I would cry when I did my speech and said my vows. I did have a few tears of happiness in my eyes when I made my entrance but nothing like the time I was bridesmaid. I was able to say my vows confidently and with meaning which was wonderful.
I've found EFT to be so useful in the run up to my wedding that I have decided I am going to focus on that as my target market. I am putting together a package for brides and grooms to help them plan for their big day. So if anyone wants any more information then please pm me.
Thanks for the good advice
shooting star
Congratulations Nicci! [sm=hug.gif]
Love and Reiki Hugs
That sounds amazing. I would be interested in reading the pack you have put together, purely as a therapist, not getting hitched myself hehe. You've worked really hard on your eft and making sure you are there for your friends and that you're able to enjoy the big day..
Really glad your friends are working their relationship out, must be very reassuring to see.. relationships all have their glitches, sometimes they can be worked through and others they can't.. glad they are on the good side and able to find the fun side of their relationship again and I do hope that continues.
And all the more importantly.. do we get to see pics of the wedding?
Well done Nicci, glad to hear it went so well. Piccies would be nice!
Sharonx
thanks guys for your messages of support
well you asked for pics - I've got 4 so far, they're not great quality as they were first printed onto ordinary A4 paper then I scanned them in. Will be getting the official pics later this week.
http://www.beyondwillpower.co.uk/Wedding.htm
enjoy :)
At the moment I am EFTing myself because I want to rush in and save the day.
Even though I feel the need to save their relationship...
Even though I want to tell them exactly how to fix it...
Even though I find it hard to give my honest opinion in this situation...
Even though I am taking this break up personally...
I've talked to my friend about using EFT to quell upsets before - but she doesn't seem very interested. Part of me wants to insist she tries it at least once, and part of me wants to respect her privacy not do do something she doesn't want to do. What would you do here, would you push it or not?
Answers:
Dear Shooting Star - it's Your Wedding next week. At the moment Your friend is not interested in sorting her relationship out. You've tried but can't change that - maybe your words will have sunk in in the background. Unless they are very unreasonable people they will behave themselves on the day, and the words of the ceremony and the two of you taking your vows may well re-awake something in their souls. In the meantime - concentrate on your future with your partner. Tap by all means on your worries - but don't "push" her - now's not the time. Now is the time for you and your partner.
Have a lovely, happy wedding, and may nothing come in the way to make it anything else.
Best wishes,
Sharonxxxx
Answers:
Shooting Star, I can understand your need to help out your friend and support her at this time, but ultimately noone knows what goes on behind closed doors but those involved. Noone but those involved can resolve this but you can be there for her and supportive of any decision she makes.
If you want to help her and think EFT is the answer, help her to accept things whatever the outcome, if they are unable to resolve things and move on she will need help to gain her confidence and to make that move.
You cannot make someone take EFT, you can't make them believe it can work, you can't make the time right for them to have it, and some things you have to resolve in your own way, even if the others can see there is a 'better way' - the only way is the way that person can manage at the time to get through things.
Perhaps you are as you say finding it hard cause of your own wedding, cause you don't want to believe a couple as strong as your friend and her husband can go sour, noone wants things to not work out.. your relationship and hers isn't the same, focus on your own, your friend will not want you worrying, she will want you happy too.
My advice, if it's not out of place is step back, let them work through it, let them come to you when they need in the capacity they need.. you can do no more than simply be a friend.
Answers:
Hi all,
I'm posting an update on what happened with my friend. I didn't end up using EFT with my friend about the situation but we had a long conversation where I used a lot of coaching to help her identify the problems and help her through the mass of confused feelings she was having. Her husband also had a long chat with my husband to be. I wasn't sure if any of this was having any effect whatsoever but the EFT I was doing on myself helped me stay calm about the situation and be more objective in the support I was giving (rather than rushing in to save the day!).
To cut a long story short my friends are a lot happier and are now finding ways together to make their relationship work. We had a barbeque just before our wedding and I was just putting out some rubbish and they were kissing outside the back door like a couple of teenagers. It was lovely to see.
Also EFT helped me prepare for my own wedding. I was worried that I was going to cry so much that I wouldn't be able to say my vows, even just hearing my entrance music before the day set me off. (2 years ago when I was bridesmaid I was a tearful wreck and it wasn't even me getting married that day!)
I did some tapping whilst listening to my entrance music and also my first dance music sometimes using set up statements but not always. I also tapped on my conerns that I would cry when I did my speech and said my vows. I did have a few tears of happiness in my eyes when I made my entrance but nothing like the time I was bridesmaid. I was able to say my vows confidently and with meaning which was wonderful.
I've found EFT to be so useful in the run up to my wedding that I have decided I am going to focus on that as my target market. I am putting together a package for brides and grooms to help them plan for their big day. So if anyone wants any more information then please pm me.
Thanks for the good advice
shooting star
Answers:
Congratulations Nicci! [sm=hug.gif]
Love and Reiki Hugs
Answers:
That sounds amazing. I would be interested in reading the pack you have put together, purely as a therapist, not getting hitched myself hehe. You've worked really hard on your eft and making sure you are there for your friends and that you're able to enjoy the big day..
Really glad your friends are working their relationship out, must be very reassuring to see.. relationships all have their glitches, sometimes they can be worked through and others they can't.. glad they are on the good side and able to find the fun side of their relationship again and I do hope that continues.
And all the more importantly.. do we get to see pics of the wedding?
Answers:
Well done Nicci, glad to hear it went so well. Piccies would be nice!
Sharonx
Answers:
thanks guys for your messages of support
well you asked for pics - I've got 4 so far, they're not great quality as they were first printed onto ordinary A4 paper then I scanned them in. Will be getting the official pics later this week.
http://www.beyondwillpower.co.uk/Wedding.htm
enjoy :)
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