Question:
Hi guys.
I am involved with a family from church. Their eldest daughter who is 13, had just started receiving help for some (what I would call) pretty severe cutting. She isn't a suicide risk atm. And professionals are now involved in the long term care of her.
What is the best way for me to tap for her, and her family.
She isn't religious, and the parents are. They aren't conservative or anything, but it is a barrier for them. At the moment I see my role as being an intermediate between the parents and counsellors and the girl involved.
Do I just envisage the girl or parents and say I am "x" and even though I cut myself...." and envisage her in my mind?
She doesn't know why she started cutting, or isn't happy to say just yet, but I think I have a couple of ideas. I am also concerned that if I tap for her, something she is not yet ready to face my come to the surface and increase her risk of suicide.
Many thanks.
Just my opinion....
I'd say that perhaps you should try and speak to the parents and the girl together and say that you know of a technique that has it's foundations in accupuncture/accupressure but doesn't involve needles or any physical pain; that you'd like to show them (why not show the whole family) how to do the technique and give them some examples of it in use. Then the girl can use this for herself and you let them know that you are available if they want any further advice or help.
You'd probably be surprised how open minded some people can be, if they can relate it to something that isn't so strange like accupuncture which is available on the NHS.
You know the situation better than us, so you'll have to be the best judge of whether this is possible.
Hoping things get better.
Love and Reiki Hugs
Hi there,
Since EFT was developed by a church minister, maybe persuading the parents is easier than you may think. Also, she doesn't have to tell you why she cuts, as long as she connects with the reasons herself.
Just a couple of thoughts from a half-asleep me...
I'm new to the board and so hope you don't mind me adding some thoughts...
This girl is at a very vulnerable point in her life. If you haven't already I thinkyou would need to focus on developing a non judgemental and trusting relationship with the her before embarking on any mind therapies. She would benefit from a 'grounded' relationship with clear identified boundaries to confidentiality etc. Perhaps then gradually introduce her and her family to your ideas as to what might help. The outcomes wil be much gentler an helpful if coming from a point of receptiveness and trust.
cutting is a pretty serious problem...it's like an addiction from what little i studied of it. Cutting, again, from the little I studied of it, isn't exactly related to suicide. It's another pattern of self-destructive behavior--like eating disorders, or extreme promiscuity, extreme and foolish risk-taking. Not saying that suicide isn't an issue, but it would be a seperate one. you might want to consider whether you have the expertise to deal with someone who is a cutter. Even researching it on the internet might not be enough. I sort of feel as if a little knowledge can sometimes do greater harm than total ignorance. I obviously have no idea what your expertise or background is, just a general sort of...er...unsolicited piece of advice.
I agree with this comment. The motives of the two are generally very different and not necessary related
The best advice I can offer is for daughter to speak to a BAC accredited counsellor who can help her explore or deal with everything in confidence
If this is not possible and you have to deal with this yourself, you may wish to consider a short basic counselling skills course which could provide you some invaluable tools for this situation
Thanks for the advice.
She is definately with a counsellor. I would not attempt something like this on my own.
My feeling is that she isn't a suicide risk, but at the same time the facotrs which make her cut, could also increase her risk for that becoming an option. as she seems to be cutting more to get the 'high' and if it gets to a point she can't get the high...
So I am not really going to be involved in the side of things that the counsellor will deal with, I am more of a go between.
Another question I have, is at what point does the C take a step that becomes inappropriate? I have yet to meet her, but some of the things that the person involved has told me, give me cause for concern. Such as encouraging her to leave home and move in with her (She is 14) and also lying to her parents about treatment options. Like I said I haven't met her yet, and want to go into it with an open mind, but from what has been said, it sounds like this person might not be a good person for long term solutions for my friend.
Hiya
2 things I would watch for here..
Repressed memories
Severe abreactions.
Good Luck
Tigs
xx
I don't know what the rules are in the UK, but in the states, i don't think that the counselor could discuss treatment with you. Especially of a minor. Doctor/patient confidentiality. The best they could do is tell the parents who would tell you and even that is somewhat limited here. Maybe they aren't as strict about it over there. And I could be wrong too.
yes, I would say that a counselor who is doing exactly what you are say has crossed the line...but are you sure it's not being taken out of context, exaggerated, whatnot? If the parents feel strongly about it, then I'm sure that they would have the right to find another counselor, but I'd be careful. I was in therapy and my step-dad jerked me away from every therapist who disagreed with him--which included many who I was comfortable with and who I felt were helping me.
again, I'd really reconsider getting involved in this. I was curious so I got the eft manual from that emo site. It said the same thing...if you are not a trained expert in dealing with serious issues (like cutting), it suggested strongly that you back off. I know that you want to help and it's great that she is in therapy and that you want to work with the therapist, but you can really do more damage than healing if you don't know what you are doing--if you don't understand this specific problem and I'm sure that there are other problems she is facing which might not be as apparent. Also, since you are friends with the parents and with her, your objectivity and ability to see certain issues might be clouded. I don't mean to lecture...it's one of my soapbox issues I guess. Whatever you decide good luck and I hope she gets the help she deserves.
I am involved with a family from church. Their eldest daughter who is 13, had just started receiving help for some (what I would call) pretty severe cutting. She isn't a suicide risk atm. And professionals are now involved in the long term care of her.
What is the best way for me to tap for her, and her family.
She isn't religious, and the parents are. They aren't conservative or anything, but it is a barrier for them. At the moment I see my role as being an intermediate between the parents and counsellors and the girl involved.
Do I just envisage the girl or parents and say I am "x" and even though I cut myself...." and envisage her in my mind?
She doesn't know why she started cutting, or isn't happy to say just yet, but I think I have a couple of ideas. I am also concerned that if I tap for her, something she is not yet ready to face my come to the surface and increase her risk of suicide.
Many thanks.
Answers:
Just my opinion....
I'd say that perhaps you should try and speak to the parents and the girl together and say that you know of a technique that has it's foundations in accupuncture/accupressure but doesn't involve needles or any physical pain; that you'd like to show them (why not show the whole family) how to do the technique and give them some examples of it in use. Then the girl can use this for herself and you let them know that you are available if they want any further advice or help.
You'd probably be surprised how open minded some people can be, if they can relate it to something that isn't so strange like accupuncture which is available on the NHS.
You know the situation better than us, so you'll have to be the best judge of whether this is possible.
Hoping things get better.
Love and Reiki Hugs
Answers:
Hi there,
Since EFT was developed by a church minister, maybe persuading the parents is easier than you may think. Also, she doesn't have to tell you why she cuts, as long as she connects with the reasons herself.
Just a couple of thoughts from a half-asleep me...
Answers:
I'm new to the board and so hope you don't mind me adding some thoughts...
This girl is at a very vulnerable point in her life. If you haven't already I thinkyou would need to focus on developing a non judgemental and trusting relationship with the her before embarking on any mind therapies. She would benefit from a 'grounded' relationship with clear identified boundaries to confidentiality etc. Perhaps then gradually introduce her and her family to your ideas as to what might help. The outcomes wil be much gentler an helpful if coming from a point of receptiveness and trust.
Answers:
cutting is a pretty serious problem...it's like an addiction from what little i studied of it. Cutting, again, from the little I studied of it, isn't exactly related to suicide. It's another pattern of self-destructive behavior--like eating disorders, or extreme promiscuity, extreme and foolish risk-taking. Not saying that suicide isn't an issue, but it would be a seperate one. you might want to consider whether you have the expertise to deal with someone who is a cutter. Even researching it on the internet might not be enough. I sort of feel as if a little knowledge can sometimes do greater harm than total ignorance. I obviously have no idea what your expertise or background is, just a general sort of...er...unsolicited piece of advice.
Answers:
I agree with this comment. The motives of the two are generally very different and not necessary related
The best advice I can offer is for daughter to speak to a BAC accredited counsellor who can help her explore or deal with everything in confidence
If this is not possible and you have to deal with this yourself, you may wish to consider a short basic counselling skills course which could provide you some invaluable tools for this situation
Answers:
Thanks for the advice.
She is definately with a counsellor. I would not attempt something like this on my own.
My feeling is that she isn't a suicide risk, but at the same time the facotrs which make her cut, could also increase her risk for that becoming an option. as she seems to be cutting more to get the 'high' and if it gets to a point she can't get the high...
So I am not really going to be involved in the side of things that the counsellor will deal with, I am more of a go between.
Another question I have, is at what point does the C take a step that becomes inappropriate? I have yet to meet her, but some of the things that the person involved has told me, give me cause for concern. Such as encouraging her to leave home and move in with her (She is 14) and also lying to her parents about treatment options. Like I said I haven't met her yet, and want to go into it with an open mind, but from what has been said, it sounds like this person might not be a good person for long term solutions for my friend.
Answers:
Hiya
2 things I would watch for here..
Repressed memories
Severe abreactions.
Good Luck
Tigs
xx
Answers:
I don't know what the rules are in the UK, but in the states, i don't think that the counselor could discuss treatment with you. Especially of a minor. Doctor/patient confidentiality. The best they could do is tell the parents who would tell you and even that is somewhat limited here. Maybe they aren't as strict about it over there. And I could be wrong too.
yes, I would say that a counselor who is doing exactly what you are say has crossed the line...but are you sure it's not being taken out of context, exaggerated, whatnot? If the parents feel strongly about it, then I'm sure that they would have the right to find another counselor, but I'd be careful. I was in therapy and my step-dad jerked me away from every therapist who disagreed with him--which included many who I was comfortable with and who I felt were helping me.
again, I'd really reconsider getting involved in this. I was curious so I got the eft manual from that emo site. It said the same thing...if you are not a trained expert in dealing with serious issues (like cutting), it suggested strongly that you back off. I know that you want to help and it's great that she is in therapy and that you want to work with the therapist, but you can really do more damage than healing if you don't know what you are doing--if you don't understand this specific problem and I'm sure that there are other problems she is facing which might not be as apparent. Also, since you are friends with the parents and with her, your objectivity and ability to see certain issues might be clouded. I don't mean to lecture...it's one of my soapbox issues I guess. Whatever you decide good luck and I hope she gets the help she deserves.
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