Question:
10 guidelines for maintaining happy thoughts in relationships
by Verena Aibel
"Remember to let the winds of Heaven dance between you" is a gentle reminder from Ralph Blum's The Book of Runes that relationships can only grow and blossom if we don't choke the life out of them by trying too hard to control our loved ones! We all need space, we all want to have room to dance, and, we all need nurturing and attention. Can we freely give what we ourselves desire and require?
1. Be honest about how YOU feel
Identify your feelings and then use the first person "I" followed by an expression of feeling. Avoid saying "I feel that you should..." Instead, say "I feel supported, loved, affirmed, happy, proud, jealous, insecure, nervous, amazed, excited, hurt, uncomfortable, quiet, sad, disappointed, angry, concerned, confused, discounted, etc."
2. Specify your gratitude for your loved one
Leave the inventory taking tendency behind. Focus on what you like and are attracted to, not what you perceive to be as their flaws. Give specific examples of what you admire or are grateful for that your loved one exhibits or does. Don't be afraid to say the obvious, more generalised compliment too (if it's true), such as "You're incredible!"
3. Stop second-guessing your partner!
Let it go. You don't have to know all the answers. You don't have to always be one step ahead of your loved ones. If they say or do something you don't understand, tell them so, lovingly! It's possible that they have a perspective or an intention that you can't imagine. Give them the benefit of a doubt.
4. Specify how your loved ones' behaviour affects you
Say "I feel nervous when you drive fast. It makes me want to take my own car in the future."
5. The new theme is FUN!
If it's not fun, why bother? Add some humour and zest into your every day activities and communications. See the world through the eyes of a young child. Open up to the laughter that wants to come out and play!
6. Live in integrity
Know yourself and your needs, wants, values, and desires. Work on eliminating your negative aspects and become a source of inspiration yourself. You'll more likely attract someone who's on a similar path of integrity and will have less tolerations too. Less hassles all-around!
7. Gift-giving can mean more when it's fun, not expected, not pricey, and not requested!
Make your gifts keep your loved one guessing! If they have to ask for it, you're probably not really listening to them in the first place. Who says you need an occasion to buy your loved one something that makes you think of them or you know will make them smile? Don't keep score either!
8. Make specific requests for what you desire
Need a hug, attention, support, intimacy or a snack? Ask outright and let the answer be OK, no matter what it is.
9. Respect each other's boundaries or feelings as well as maintain your own!
Don't act like a bull in a china shop or pussyfoot around either. Be aware of your loved ones' boundaries and know where your boundaries start and end too! Enmeshment or rigid boundaries distort relationships very quickly. Having flexible, permeable boundaries is a sign of a healthy and mature person. Learning how to say "no" freely is also critical if both parties want to grow individually and together.
10. Get in touch with your Big Picture vision...
What does your Higher Self/Higher Power/divine self have in mind for you in your relationship with your loved one? Find out! The more you clarify and discuss this with your loved one, the more your relationship will develop wings and soar!
Copyright 2000-2003 CoachVille
Wonderful advice as always Alex :)
Thank you for posting this
Fiona :D
by Verena Aibel
"Remember to let the winds of Heaven dance between you" is a gentle reminder from Ralph Blum's The Book of Runes that relationships can only grow and blossom if we don't choke the life out of them by trying too hard to control our loved ones! We all need space, we all want to have room to dance, and, we all need nurturing and attention. Can we freely give what we ourselves desire and require?
1. Be honest about how YOU feel
Identify your feelings and then use the first person "I" followed by an expression of feeling. Avoid saying "I feel that you should..." Instead, say "I feel supported, loved, affirmed, happy, proud, jealous, insecure, nervous, amazed, excited, hurt, uncomfortable, quiet, sad, disappointed, angry, concerned, confused, discounted, etc."
2. Specify your gratitude for your loved one
Leave the inventory taking tendency behind. Focus on what you like and are attracted to, not what you perceive to be as their flaws. Give specific examples of what you admire or are grateful for that your loved one exhibits or does. Don't be afraid to say the obvious, more generalised compliment too (if it's true), such as "You're incredible!"
3. Stop second-guessing your partner!
Let it go. You don't have to know all the answers. You don't have to always be one step ahead of your loved ones. If they say or do something you don't understand, tell them so, lovingly! It's possible that they have a perspective or an intention that you can't imagine. Give them the benefit of a doubt.
4. Specify how your loved ones' behaviour affects you
Say "I feel nervous when you drive fast. It makes me want to take my own car in the future."
5. The new theme is FUN!
If it's not fun, why bother? Add some humour and zest into your every day activities and communications. See the world through the eyes of a young child. Open up to the laughter that wants to come out and play!
6. Live in integrity
Know yourself and your needs, wants, values, and desires. Work on eliminating your negative aspects and become a source of inspiration yourself. You'll more likely attract someone who's on a similar path of integrity and will have less tolerations too. Less hassles all-around!
7. Gift-giving can mean more when it's fun, not expected, not pricey, and not requested!
Make your gifts keep your loved one guessing! If they have to ask for it, you're probably not really listening to them in the first place. Who says you need an occasion to buy your loved one something that makes you think of them or you know will make them smile? Don't keep score either!
8. Make specific requests for what you desire
Need a hug, attention, support, intimacy or a snack? Ask outright and let the answer be OK, no matter what it is.
9. Respect each other's boundaries or feelings as well as maintain your own!
Don't act like a bull in a china shop or pussyfoot around either. Be aware of your loved ones' boundaries and know where your boundaries start and end too! Enmeshment or rigid boundaries distort relationships very quickly. Having flexible, permeable boundaries is a sign of a healthy and mature person. Learning how to say "no" freely is also critical if both parties want to grow individually and together.
10. Get in touch with your Big Picture vision...
What does your Higher Self/Higher Power/divine self have in mind for you in your relationship with your loved one? Find out! The more you clarify and discuss this with your loved one, the more your relationship will develop wings and soar!
Copyright 2000-2003 CoachVille
Answers:
Wonderful advice as always Alex :)
Thank you for posting this
Fiona :D
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